


Sandcastles in the Wind

by Manticore_x5



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Barney Stinson whump, Creative use of some canon scenes and most dialogues, Denial of Feelings, First Time, Friends to Lovers, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this for myself but y'all can enjoy it too, Jealous Ted, Jealousy, M/M, Mention of Mental Health Issues, Misunderstandings, Multi, Mutual Pining, Oblivious guys, Reference to Depression and Suicidal tendencies, Slow Burn, UST, flangst, lots of swearing, screw canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2020-09-30 22:54:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 40,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20454890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manticore_x5/pseuds/Manticore_x5
Summary: After Ted learns that Barney had slept with Robin, in a fit of unfathomable rage he exiles Barney from his life and their group. It takes a miraculous escape from a terrible accident unscathed, for Ted to realise his true feelings for his good friend but could it be too late already to do something about it? Especially since Barney picks the wrong time to listen to Ted for once and stays away from their gang.Also, there is this troubling matter of Barney’s Ex and his sudden reappearance in the blond’s life...and Ted, yeah, he’s not really happy about Barney hanging out with his Ex again. Not one bit. Nope.





	1. Ted Knows

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. Nope. Just a fangirl, writing away my asdsfgfjk feels in an attempt to relieve and share my eternal love for this fandom. I also simply love the potential of Ted Mosby and Barney Stinson way too much; hence, this fic happened. Sincere credit due to the show creators, writers and everyone involved in making of HIMYM and canon scenes, which I've used to drive plot of this fic.
> 
> Warnings: Please look at the tags before proceeding further. ‘Don’t Like, Don’t Read’. Thank you!
> 
> Follows the events of the episode 3.17 – ‘Sandcastles in the sand’.  
Blatant and creative use of certain canon scenes and direct quotes/conversations from the show because no matter how they are used, it is always going to be legen...wait for it...and I hope you're not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is...dairy!
> 
> No beta reader, so all mistakes are mine. Feedback and comments are always appreciated. Thank you for reading this. Hope you enjoy the fic! xoxo

_ ** “ ** _ ** _She generally gave herself very good advice (though she very seldom followed it)”_ **

**~ ** _Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll_

“All right. I can’t find your video. I wasted three days tr…” Barney stops mid-sentence, after having walked into the bar and sliding gracefully in seat across from Robin; to actually observe her, sitting alone in their booth and discreetly wiping her tears upon noticing his entrance.

Barney expected Robin to roll her eyes and quip sarcastic remarks about his inability to let things go when he arrived at MacLaren’s explaining his failure to discover the infamous _‘Robin Sparkles_’ second video, but finding his friend dejected and apparently crying comes as a major shock. Robin Sherbatsky, the most independent and strong-willed woman he’s ever met, who always braved this harsh world and it’s impossible challenges thrown her way with a smile and fuck-all attitude, now reduced to a mere shell of herself…possibly, no strike that definitely over a guy, because there’s no way in hell that the departure of lover boy from Canada and Robin’s tears are not related, especially considering the 180 she pulled in the presence of the vagabond slash wannabe Rockstar.

A dozen or so theories run by in his head, quick as a lightening and he dismisses each one with a mental shake – cracking jokes or being mean is not gonna make it tonight. Robin appears too depressed and upset (hastily wiped tears being big clue) to appreciate his dark and twisted brand of humor at this moment. Still, she needs to shake this off... whatever this is, and one of the best ways to do it is to always laugh about misfortunes first instead of allowing others to have control over your insecurities, by letting them laugh at you.

At least that has always been Barney’s motto since he became _‘woke’_. If you don’t care, and regularly make fun of yourself then nobody holds power over you, and cannot dictate how you should or shouldn’t feel about your choices in life.

  
Barney didn’t know what exactly happened tonight but it is obvious that nothing good took place, and Robin needs someone to cheer her up and not shower her with apologies and useless sympathy…makes sense, as Robin sees the world through the same damn lens as Barney, only she doesn’t admit it to their friends or anybody really (maybe not even to herself). They both look down on superfluous apologies, what good would that even do? Barney’d much rather be distracted from whatever pain he’s going through than be reminded by illogical sentiments which at best, do a piss-poor job of reassuring him and Robin certainly shares similar views, going by several observations in the past.

That’s one of the reasons Barney had been drawn so close to Robin from the start – their parallel personality traits, pragmatic (haters prefer to call it pessimistic) approach to life and shared ideologies that set them apart from their optimistic and _‘viewing the world through rose tinted spectacles’_ friends. Seriously, the trio are just so goddamn positive all the fucking time, Barney considers it a minor miracle he didn’t try to strangle them in frustration till now (except Ted, of course) and other times, he cannot help but puzzle how those idiots survived in this fucked up world in the first place, let alone New York City, with their positive outlook on life untarnished for so long.

Now, contrary to popular notion (of his friends) Barney is neither a moron nor is he insensitive. But, he always found the less people that know the real him, the better it is for everyone involved. Let the whole world underestimate the awesomeness that is Barney Stinson; he’ll use their ignorance to his advantage by surviving against all odds -one sarcastic retort and an annoying smirk at a time.

So, yeah, the fact that Robin is in their usual spot by herself when she could’ve been out entertaining and having a blast with the best MacLaren or New York has to offer, after that Simon dude left for Canada is indication enough of her take on tonight’s (seemingly tragic) events.

Still, it wouldn’t do for Barney to look concerned because _a)_ no one would believe him (which is fair enough) _b)_ doesn’t really serve the purpose here. _Yeah._

It pays to be the inconsiderate guy sometimes. Nevermind, Barney could give most, if not all of the Oscar-winning and Broadway actors a run for their money when it comes to acting and particularly, at playing the role of an insensitive jerk. Anyways, Robin would still need a nudge to start spilling her guts so, he asks as nonchalantly as possible.

_Step1: Break the ice and grab a shovel._

“What’s the matter?”

Robin, to her credit, pulls off a faux smile pretty well. Too bad, Barney is an expert at faking stuff too, specifically the emotions (courtesy of his own fucked up life and personal experiences) and is able to spot it immediately. Of course, being brilliant at both observation and deduction also works in his favor.

“Um…Simon dumped me in his van after the show.” Robin confesses with a wry smile.

Barney’s first impulse is to curse that no-good loser and to remind Robin how lucky she is to escape that death trap for a second and hopefully final time. But then again, he knows heartbreak when he sees one, and having had to experience it first-hand several times, he’s aware that a supportive approach is not his best course of action here.

It’s also worth repeating that Robin is a lot like him in some ways (okay, maybe they’re a lot more similar than he’d care to admit) and Barney recognizes the need for a blasé attitude to break down the china-wall defenses she’s built for the upcoming conversation to take place. Robin needs to be able to talk about what has happened rationally instead of bottling her emotions. He’s sure that their friends had offered her plenty of sincere sympathies’ and support which obviously didn’t take because Robin doesn’t need pity; she needs someone bold enough to make her face the harsh truth of her reality. And fortunately for Robin, Barney is willing to take on that role, be that rude jerk if it means she’d get to move on from her ill-advised crush. He’ll gladly be that bastard for Robin’s happiness sake.

“Yeah, Robin, that was, like, ten years ago.” Barney drawls sarcastically, instead.

“No. Tonight.”

_Step two: sprinkle salt on the wound._

“Ooh, really?” He adds, mockingly.

Barney hates the next part, acting obnoxious when he feels and prefers to be exact opposite, but Robin sounds so lost and fragile in that moment that he’s seized by a sudden urge to do something startling to provoke any reaction out of her. Even if it’s a mean and cruel thing to do; hurt her feelings and stomp on them when she’s already vulnerable. But if it gets her to let it go, then Barney doesn’t care what lengths he had to reach to make that happen. Hating himself, he pushes and shoves until the inevitable happens.

_And Bingo!_

Her control snaps, and Robin starts sobbing, finally letting out all the grief stored deep from god knows how long. Years, probably from what she has said of this Simon douchebag being her first boyfriend and all.

“Oh! Oh, come here” Barney coos, as he moves over to her side of their booth and wraps his arm over her shoulder. She immediately accepts his embrace and lays her head over his chest, hiccupping and quietly breaking down further in his arms. Barney rubs soothing circles on her shoulder, geared up to fix a guise of mild smiles when Robin’s ready to start speaking her mind. He knows the last thing she wants to hear is another awkward apology, so Barney shuts his mouth and lets her ramble as much as she wants and needs to.

“And…I guess I just…I wanted to feel that way again. I wanted to be sixteen again.”

“Robin, that is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard come out of your mouth. You want to be sixteen again?” he asks, disbelief heavily coloring his words, made even more apparent on his already expressive face. Barney catches Robin’s misted eyes and continues earnestly.

Time to lighten the mood a little since it’s clear Robin has now drop-kicked the major steam bothering her…

“I have watched your Robin Sparkles video a thousand times, and it’s not because I’m proud of you as a friend. It’s because you were totally, totally lame back then.”

His teasing words have the desired effect on Robin as she responds with a tentative smile.

_Progress, here we come! Yay!_

He gestures towards her with a knowing look free of his usual leer. “But now, come on. Pa-cow! You’re the most awesome person I’ve ever known. Well, second most awesome.”

“Right,” Robin mutters wiping away the last remnant tears and sounding close to her old self again, “Right, of course, the – the first being you.”

“No. No. the first is this guy who lives in this place called the mirror. What up?!”

Robin chuckles. Actually, does the short laugh and starts showing signs like she crossed that first, or is it the second stage, of grief. He knows there are like five stages, so they’re off to a good start. He will have Robin back to her cynical, fun loving self by morning.

_Challenge freaking accepted!_

_Hmm, if only she knows that he actually meant what he said. See, the guy who lives in his mirror is not Barney, but whatever facade it was that he chooses to take on that particular day or moment. Now’s not the time, to think about this though. Tonight’s all about Robin, and his freaking insecurities and damn issues are not about to steal her spotlight. No sir! They can take a backseat, so he can later have his nightly breakdown peacefully in the privacy of his apartment._

“I’m saying that you are way more awesome than Simon ever will be.”

Barney sincerely hopes Robin doesn’t take a leaf out of his book but actually listens to that valuable piece of golden advice. It sure took him a long time to believe his brother, James when he uttered those exact words (not the Simon part, come on) and Barney still finds, much to his annoyance, the occasional bad days when he struggles to accept this truth. Time alone can heal all wounds, even if the scars remain forever and unchanged.

Besides, there’s always _plan B: ‘fake it till you make it’. His personal favorite strategy by far. 12/10 totally recommends it to everyone._

Robin was quiet, following his sage advice (he prays) and probably taking it all in. She slowly turns towards him with an inscrutable look in her eyes and Barney waits expectantly, willing to do whatever it takes to help his best friend get over this familiar gut-wrenching pain. He is therefore, justifiably shocked to hear Robin’s comeback in face of his friendly actions.

“Barney, do you want to come back to my place?”

He blankly repeats. “Your place?”

**#!@!#**

_What?!?!?!?!!!??? No, wait. What??_

  
Okay, he’ll admit, that was not what he has been expecting her to say. Sure, Barney totally gets thinking, sex is the best distraction when it comes to grief. It’s practically a rite of passage of adulthood and damn if it doesn’t work every time. But, he never thought or even envisioned him and Robin in this direction, at all.

_‘When in grief, get laid. At least you will not have to think for some time and that’s a cathartic experience.’_

  
Still, Barney doesn’t think, wait scratch that, he knows for sure this is a terrible idea for her and also him, right now. Especially, him and Robin…no. No way. Maybe, if Ted hasn’t been in the picture...yeah.

Nope. Not even then…nah-ah. But, as it stands, Robin is Ted’s ex-girlfriend and not to mention, a good friend; best friend even, if he’s being honest. Barney might joke around occasionally and offer lewd suggestions at times but that’s just a part of his on-going prank on his friends (not that they’re aware of it as such) and because Barney has a reputation to maintain. It doesn’t mean Barney’s a pervert and he’s definitely not the type to sleep with his friends and ruin an amazing connection for something so little as a fleeting pleasure. Particularly, since he can get that pleasure anywhere else – hot men and women he can sleep with and not worry about awkward silences and possibly ruining years worth of friendships.

Granted, pleasure is not the final goal here except Barney would consider it a personal and criminal offense on his part, if someone who slept with him doesn’t achieve at least a minimum of two orgasms; so, really pleasurable is the definition of the time spent hooking up with Barney. And…, his thoughts have him off on a different tangent now.

_Damn his ADHD self to purgatory!_

_Focus Barney! This is important. Robin’s in pain and wants to use him as a means to forget the Simon episode. Normally, he would be down with that…he should be down for that…if it was someone else in place of Robin. Because with a hot stranger, Barney gets to wake up in the morning and simply leave without any worry of being around them the next day or you know, rest of the year. This is not possible in Robin’s case. She’s one of his best friends and importantly, Ted’s in love with her. (Yes, Barney might be in love with Ted but that’s irrelevant here.) If he sleeps with Robin, Ted would be hurt and Barney doesn’t want to be a cause of Ted’s unhappiness ever. _

_Obviously, Robin would find her way back to Ted – eventually in a predictable happy ending to a Rom-com movie way; it’s quite impossible to resist an ideal, endearing gentleman like Ted – the perfect package really, if you’re smart and know first-hand what an amazing boyfriend Ted is. Sooner or later Robin will realise she made a big mistake by breaking up with Ted and they will end up together again. Barney will not do anything to jeopardize this for them. Nope._

_Even if he kinda hates it, and greatly hopes for them to never find a way back to each other. But he won’t. Not because Barney’s a good guy, not by any means, oh no, but because Ted is the nicest and sweetest guy he’s ever met, who deserves all the happiness in the world. And Barney is not the one for Ted and cannot provide that to him, even if he desperately wants to, with every fiber of his being._

_He cannot and will not ruin that to Robin or Ted. Nevertheless, Robin’s still hurting and having been down that road before (Been there, got screwed over) he acknowledges how appealing the idea of a no strings attached, hook-up is for a freshly broken heart. The reason Barney is a king of one-night stands._

_ Too fucking appealing, dammit!_

Barney isn’t really into it and he fears the repercussions of rejecting an already rebuffed Robin. There’s not a lot Barney wouldn’t do but it’s the thought of Ted, his best friend and more… (nope, not going there, not now) that has him warring with himself.

Maybe, he could convince Robin to pull someone else…no, she’s too emotionally susceptible right now, so that’s a no. While, he’s busy contemplating ways to avoid a tricky situation, Robin leans in to whisper her intentions that clears away his inhibitions within seconds.

_Oh…. Oh!_

**#!@!#**

“Are you sure, you want to do this?”

Barney questions, perfectly willing to walk away if he receives a negative answer from Robin. He’s still pretty wary of the whole situation, instinct warning him of several potential and inseparable dangers they're currently walking into.

“Yeah, sure. Let’s just not tell anyone about this, okay?” Robin shrugs.

“Of course.”

They both settle on the far ends of Robin’s comfortable couch, in her tidy living room. Turns out, when Robin invited him to her place, she wasn’t propositioning Barney like he thought. _Oh_ _no_. Robin has decided to finally let him see the infamous Robin Sparkles video 2, the one he tried super hard to own to no avail. Barney secretly approves of Robin’s decision to review the tape with him as it would be another cleansing experience for Robin after talking her heart out, that is.

But…he’s also legitimately wary of consequences following this sincere offer and her impulsive decisions. It’s past midnight and she’s been on one hell of an emotional roller-coaster ride tonight. Not exactly an excellent time nor frame of mind to make any rational decisions, and Barney’s judgement is questionable at best and he’d rather not go there…Actually, he’d rather they have someone else around to supervise, who’s more sane than either of them currently is (like Ted), to hang out with them, to make the right call .. mostly, just in case...

Not that Barney voices that dangerous thought aloud. He’s immensely grateful to Robin for trusting him to be near her and bear witness to one of her most unguarded and private moments. It’s just that he doesn’t trust himself…not to screw up. It’s kind of like the rule of the universe – Barney Stinson fucks up, sooner or later being the tagline. It’s just a matter of time – when and not if. Life has managed to drill that lesson pretty hard into his chaotic head since childhood.

Barney inserts the exclusive tape of _‘Sandcastles in the Sand’_ and sits back to view the supposed masterpiece. They watch the video, easing casually into trading quips about the song and insane choices that went into making it – including behind the scenes drama and all.

“It’s everything I wanted it to be and more.” Barney acclaims in delight, hands loosely clasped over his knees and leaning slightly forward.

“So, glad.” Robin retorts, dryly.

  
“You know, if you re-edit it, there’s a tampon commercial in here somewhere.” Barney mentions thoughtfully, as he watches the scenes of teenage Robin clad in white from head to toe, walking along the beach lost in thoughts while her friends kept dissing her in the background as chorus…

“Do you see how lame you were back then?” he asks Robin again, a few minutes into the song.

“You’re right. I was lame back then.” Robin muses, gaze stuck on images running on the screen, as though taken back to a time in life when she’s still blissfully happy and innocent to the existence of pain and anguish.

“Totally lame…yeah", she repeats.

Barney instantly catches onto her sudden downward spiral. He suggests re-winding the tape to watch it again, in hopes of finding something new to make fun of and ease Robin’s rapidly deteriorating mood.

  
They watch her music video again and again. And again. The reasons behind their binge watching goes largely unaddressed by either of them and gets shoved to background, in lieu of ribbing about Canada’s music scene of the 90’s. They get lost, viewing it over and over that night until finally, they stop.

Barney is hard pressed to point out who initiates the first move as they unexpectedly go from leaning on each other, laughing at Robin’s modest T.V screen, to pressing firmly against the other, kissing fiercely and exploring warm skin with their lips and hands desperately, as though their lives depend upon it. Later, Barney wasn’t sure how things progressed so fast, but one second, he and Robin were kissing and making out like teenagers on her couch and the next, they are inside her bedroom, undressing each other franticly as if the world’s ending in a couple of hours, and they needed to make most of that night.

Through it all, a small but cognizant part of his brain is yelling at Barney to stop before it’s too late to back out. But, it’s merely a tiny part of logic still left functioning and Barney’s caught up in the heat of the moment – his downstairs brain making majority of decisions for now, and succeeds in completely tuning out the faint rationale.

Barney crowds Robin against a wall next to the door as she continues to clutch at his half-undone shirt, pulling him further towards her person and softly threading hands in his short hair. Robin moans, parting her legs slightly and allowing Barney to slide between them to press his entire body flush against her, rocking somewhat to build up a pleasurable friction which makes Robin whimper in return. He buries his face in the crook of her neck and begins nipping kisses across the column of her neck, meeting Robin's hungry lips in a searing kiss again. Barney deftly unfastens her top and takes his time in passionately caressing his way downtown - to pay attention to the Canadian beaver, while Robin drags her manicured nails across the expansion of his back, digging in painfully at intervals and alternating with biting his shoulders next. Barney’s totally all about mixing his pain with pleasure, and is incredibly glad, Robin’s hitting all the right kinks of his tonight…

Seconds, minutes or possibly hours pass during which Robin and Barney enthusiastically learn each other’s bodies thoroughly, figuring out tricks to drive the other wild with unbridled passion and want.  
Only groans and passionate expletives break an otherwise silence in the room as though they’d both reached an unspoken deal to utter nothing of import, not even their names.

They somehow blindly tumble onto the small bed, getting rid of any remnants of their clothes while their hands still keep up with mapping out new territories, eagerly and taking turns to switch their exhilarating discoveries using teeth and tongues instead.

Robin’s delightful and loud in bed as expected, not that Barney spent any time imagining her in sexual scenarios, just that he felt she always gave off that particular vibe and is unbelievably smug at being right once again. Robin’s encouraging and later demanding slurs successfully urge Barney into quitting his inner ramblings and to take on an automatic role of satisfying both their carnal desires; his expertise coming in useful for once, and taking them to new heights of ecstasy.

Barney’s last coherent thought as he falls into a deep slumber, next to an already '_dead to the world'_ Robin after throwing away the used condom, strangely is a sombre one; he should have fought harder to stop from sleeping with Robin and perhaps walked out of her apartment when things started to heat up on the couch.

  
_Well, tomorrow is another day and his self-hatred will still be there for Barney to confront when he wakes up…_

**#!@!#**

The first golden rays of dawn slither in through the unsheltered windows, illuminating the room with brightness and warmth as though a fireplace has been recently lit. With that first wave of daylight making a sudden appearance in the room, so does Barney’s conscience, screaming him into total consciousness. FUCK!.

_'Oh, hello Barney! Remember last night…well, say howdy to your new fucked up reality courtesy of YOU SCREWING ROBIN, your good friend and Ted's ex, and thereby screwing over life as you officially know it._

_On Today’s list of things to do: 1) SUFFER. 2) Suffer some more. 3) Wallow in self-pity and the general patheticness that is your life. 4) Remember Ted? TED TED TED …there goes any possibility of a ‘thing’ with the love of your life. If you didn’t stand a chance with him before well, guess what you have now, dude? No future as a friend of Ted because TED LOVES ROBIN, who YOU FUCKED LAST NIGHT!! 5) SUFFER EVEN MORE 6) you’re a weak, spineless jerk who deserves to FU_ _CKING SUFFER!!'_

Barney carefully shuffles left, grimacing at the onslaught of curses his pragmatic self saw fit to attack him with, only to find Robin a happy camper between the comforting arms of sleep and stifles a groan. He really should have fought his impulses, harder (he he…no, bad time to joke around. God! What is wrong with him?) to avoid this precise situation last night.

_Fuck! Fuck. Fuckity fuck!!_

Hell, how exactly is Robin going to react once she wakes up? Geez! He didn’t even think about that! Is she going to be disgusted with him, for taking advantage of her? Because he sort of did. Well, there is no sort of about it. He definitely did. Robin was in no state to make rational choices last night, Barney knew it and basically still let her make one of the single most worst decision of her entire life (second only to dating Simon twice) to sleep with him, without putting up any token protests. That makes Barney terribly guilty.

Why didn’t he say no to Robin ... when he already ended up arguing with himself against this very thing from the bar to her apartment? Gah! Too late to think about that now. He’s got bigger fish to fry.

Worryingly enough, the main thing to plague his mind is Ted’s reaction to this unforeseen circumstance. Not really unforeseen now, is it? Sometimes Barney hates the fact he’s almost always right. Would Ted hate Barney for stabbing him in the back, figuratively? Ted always has been overemotional when it comes to well, most things and the star wars nerd was head-over-heels in love with Robin, from the very first moment he met her gaze across the crowded McLaren’s bar on that fateful night. Fucking hell.

How will Ted handle this new development? Not that this will continue or anything. Robin’s amazing in bed, sure but Barney isn’t looking for a repeat performance. In fact, he considered Robin strictly off-limits due to Ted and his pesky feelings which isn't gonna change due to one incident. Because Ted’s crazy about Robin and also because, he’s crazy about Ted, duh. Now, Barney had gone and broken his own damn rule. Worse still, he had done it in a way that Ted’s sure to not forgive him, even if Ted miraculously concludes overnight that he doesn’t care about Robin anymore. Yeah…That is not gonna happen any time soon. Fuck!

_Why did he sleep with Robin? Why didn’t he just walk away last night? Better still, why did he have to go and fall in love with Ted Mosby of all people?_

_Seriously, Fuck his life! Oh wait, the bloody universe already took care of that!_

**#!@!#**

Barney becomes aware of the exact second Robin stirs awake, and straight away stiffens upon realizing their current predicament. which he doesn’t blame her one bit. Why he didn’t already make his usual quick escape, is beyond him. Mostly, because Barney knows he should talk this out properly with Robin first, so they’re on the same page and to avoid any awkward silences in front of their group, which will definitely have their nosy friends ripping apart their charade within minutes.

Yeah, gotta avoid that at all costs.

The fact that he’s busy strategizing ways to downplay this tight spot they’re stuck in, and already planning ways to manipulate their friends from never finding out, is why Barney's such a terrible person and doesn’t deserve Ted ‘golden boy’ Mosby, at all.

After a few painful minutes of discomfited silence, where they both avoided eye-contact, (an impressive feat considering they are in the same bed, naked with just few inches between them) Barney and Robin end up talking at once. Eventually, after some uncomfortable pauses and false starts, they slowly find a common ground and settle on neutral banter. Barney mentally high-fives himself, glad things are off to a great start with Robin. Okay, not great really but not bad either. It could’ve been lot worse, he muses.

_Thank god! This thing can still be salvaged. Robin is not spooked or rattled. At least if she is, then she’s doing a damn good job of appearing to be unaffected. Now, all he has to do is play along with the clues she’s unintentionally throwing at him. A walk in the park, really. Just act like he usually does but without coming across as callous or cruel. More than normal, that is._

He lets Robin break the silence, taking clues from her speech to react in synch and appropriately.

  
“And she thinks to herself, _‘who is this sad, self-loathing idiot who climbed into bed with Barney Stinson?’_”

“Actually, you usually say that out loud.” Barney interjects with a frown, and Robin shrugs out a quiet _‘yeah’_.

He bites back frustration and presses the heel of his palm to one eye, as though it can impede a growing head-ache.

_Easier said than done. Robin is cool about it NOW. What happens when she changes her mind later? Not that he had any real concerns she would, although she totally should because this is one 100% Barney’s fault. If only he had shown some constraint or simply had better moral compass like TED… Hell, Robin’s exactly like him. So, there’s an actual, high chance Robin might be blaming herself for last night too. Aarggh. Still, Ted is whole another story._

“So, I just slept with my best friend’s ex-girlfriend.”

_Huh, saying that aloud didn’t make it any less scary nor did his background bubbling panic attack refuse to subside._

  
Meanwhile, Robin continued unaware of his internal conflict. “And I just slept with my ex-boyfriend’s really good friend.”

“Best friend”. Barney immediately corrects her. He knows why it’s so important for him to have that title, more so than Marshall as Ted always claims it to be, but Barney doubts he would even remain a friend once Ted learns the truth. Barney deliberately doesn’t focus on which truth he’s referring to here: the fact that he’s in love with Ted or about sleeping with the one girl Ted’s head over heels in love with for the longest time, compared to all of Ted's other short-lived relationships.

Still, it wouldn’t be Barney if he didn’t at least crack a crude joke and make fun of an entirely serious situation. He has a reputation to uphold, and the last thing Barney needs is for people to be suspicious and take a good look at the facade he continuously dons on at all times.

He agrees with Robin when she says they should pretend nothing out of ordinary took place last night. Barney repeats, faking indifference and keeping his doubts to himself.

“This never happened. It’s a good plan.”

In his experience, things are rarely so easy. They live in a world painted in shades of grey but appears to be black and white. Barney has a feeling his life will not be same after last night’s turn of events, and his gut feeling has only intensified since waking up to this nightmarish reality.

Robin’s feet hit the floor, and she begins securely tying her pale pink robe over her waist. “Now, we go back to exactly the way things were before.” She sounds calm, like she has everything figured out.

Barney envies her unshakable, cool confidence at that moment, wishing he isn’t emotionally invested in one Ted Mosby’s reaction to his actions, from his bro-code violation to the betrayal of Ted's trust. Most of all, Barney freaking wishes he'd never met the brunet that day in the random bar and subsequently fell, hook-line-and sinker for him. It’s too late to turn back now, though. Too late. That he doesn’t want to either, goes without saying.

He couldn’t resist one last dig as Robin walks towards her attached bathroom in the corner. Anything to keep himself from drowning into the emotional black hole of his own creation.

“So, Robin?”

“Yes, Barney?” Robin stops and turns around, placing a hand on her hip, patiently waiting for him to comment.

“Guess who nailed the chick from metro news one last night?” He quizzes, holding right hand up for a high-five, grinning. Robin shakes her head, sighing and comes over to return the high-five, ignoring his snort of laughter.

He falls back on bed once Robin steps inside and bolts the bathroom door shut. Barney looks up at the ceiling and traces the weird spots, scowling at nothing in particular and angrily biting back more curses threatening to leave his mouth.

_Back to normal, huh, like he didn’t betray his best friend’s trust, slept with another good friend and potentially screwed up their group dynamics - the best thing that ever happened to him; just awesome!_

**#!@!#**

If Barney thought their morning after that disastrous-never-to-be-mentioned-again-night is bad, he couldn’t string together appropriate words to explain the sheer amount of awkwardness and terror he faces during the next few days.

He has to second-guess every conversation that took place and each word that came out of Ted’s mouth all the goddamn time, whenever their group hung out at MacLaren’s or at Ted and Marshall’s apartment. Barney’s in a perpetual state of paranoia and it’s taking a visible toll on him, evident from several puzzling looks Lily kept throwing his way.

Robin on other hand, is cool as cucumber – apparently an expert at pretending nothing's amiss, even better than himself. If only he hadn’t been freaking out every single second spent in company of their friends, Barney would’ve used that time to simultaneously commend her performance and then demanded Robin to spill her secret.

It’s a few days later, and Barney is slowly getting accustomed to his unending panic filled moments (no one suspected a thing yet chances are no one will any time soon either – not that it quelled his fears any less) and sourly agreed to join the gang, at downstairs bar as per their traditional routine. Ted and Lily are seated opposite to Robin and Marshall, leaving a lone seat at the head of their booth for him. Barney is bit late in joining the party, again quite typical of him, so he went ahead to get a drink while everyone took turns to entertain with amusing incidents from their day.

When Barney comes back and parks himself at the empty seat with a glass of scotch in his hand, Ted eagerly addresses him. “So, tell us what was it like?”

Barney unsure of which topic is being discussed whilst he’s ordering his drink, asks distractedly. “What?”

“Penetrating that barrier. You and I are the first ones to hit it. Well, not the first ones, certainly but the first ones at this table.”

Ted’s words leave Barney gaping at him, frozen in shock and seized by sheer terror he managed to suppress successfully until then, which now returns in full force at once.

Barney sputters, “I…I…I’m”, at complete and utter loss as to how to respond in between freaking the fuck out.

_‘Ted knows, OMG, he knows. What the fuckkkk!!’_

Robin, next to him is unaffectedly tranquil like a freaking Zen master and really, how is Barney supposed to even react to that blatant question coming from Ted of all people. The architectural nerd is usually the most sensitive guy of their group, who always cares about others’ feelings and crap like that. To hear Ted speak in such a coarse manner is shocking to say at least.

Marshall (surprisingly and rest of their group) oblivious to Barney’s sudden stammering, goes on in a singsong voice. “Although, I’m gonna be hitting it pretty soon.”

  
_‘What? What the hell did Marshall just say? And why is no one reacting to this in a normal manner? What?’_

  
Barney just gawks some more, baffled when Robin crows at Marshall as opposed to getting mad which is the expected standard reaction from most women. “Yeah, you are.”

Lily joins the conversation, excitedly with a dreamy look and Ted turns around to smile at her encouragingly. “Yeah, and when I hit it, I’m going to go nuts. It’s gonna be all night, and I think I want a clown there.”

Barney chokes on the sip of whiskey he just took from his glass after hearing Lily’s proclamation. _‘What? No, seriously what?! Lily too? What is going on here. It couldn't be what he's thinking of, right?’_

“I’m a little bit scared of clowns, but for you, I’m there.” Robin promises Lily and fucking winks at her.

That’s it. He just couldn’t take it anymore. Whether he stepped into twilight zone or not, Barney needs to know whatever the hell’s going on here before he loses his shit.

“What are you talking about?”

“The big three-oh.” Ted explains with a shrug.

“You know, my 30th birthday is this Friday. Did you forget? What kind of friend is this guy?” Ted adds looking towards Lily in a jovial manner. Everyone with exception of Robin keep casting weird looks in his direction.

Barney relaxes infinitely when he realises that Ted doesn’t know. He laughs nervously, trying hard to mask any previous signs of mini-panic attack from his occasionally observant friends. Damn, he really thought for a moment they were talking about something else.

_‘_ _Right! Yeah, no. of course not’._

He cracks a lame joke and tries to gauge Robin’s expression when she replies a terse _‘fine’_ in response to a faux casual ‘How you doing there, Robin?’.

Ted is still talking in the background, going on about how he’s decided to get rid of some old stuff that he no longer has use for. Barney is partly paying attention towards inane chatter (only because it’s Ted) and mostly focused on Robin when he notices Ted turning to him through his peripheral vision and starts enquiring Barney about wanting his Ex and well, that just shocks Barney into instantly gasping in horror.

“Ted, she has a name! And just what are you accusing me of?”

“Liking video games?” comes a bemused reply from Ted, closely followed by another twin perplexed glances from Marshall and Lily.

Robin’s the only one truly aware of how close he had come to outing them – argh, their secret. She mutters a quick excuse and leaves the table. “I’m gonna get a drink.”

Fortunately for them, neither Ted nor Marshmallow and Lilypad become suspicious of their strange behaviour tonight and quickly fall back into their ongoing conversation.

Barney adds in relief, seeing a way out of this mess and also they both need to talk like yesterday. “I’ll come with you.”

_Oh, and she’s good too._ It’s all _‘what thing?’_ and _‘what never happened’_ with Robin. She certainly seemed fine to be around Ted while he keeps turning into some sort of a bumbling idiot. _God, this is hard!_

While he and Robin were trying to _‘not talk’_ about their temporary thing, Ted joins them unexpectedly and scaring the hell out of Barney for second time that day. Ted casually questioning in a mischievous tone about what they were discussing, with a coy smile gracing those beautiful and lush lips is panic inducing, and also extremely distracting.

_Dammit! Focus Barney._

“Guys cut the act. I know.” Ted follows that bomb with another disarming smile.

Barney's pretty sure his heart just stopped when Ted spoke those damned words.

_They do say third time’s the charm. Huh._

Barney and Robin glance fearfully at each other then, both nervous and finally on the same damn page for once, emotionally. This is it. Barney couldn’t help thinking. _‘Should he start begging or running? Is Ted willing to even listen…?’_

“I know about the surprise birthday party.” Ted gushes and just like that, he and Robin let out relieved sighs.

  
_‘I know it. Robin’s worried too despite her whole Artic-ice act. Good. He’s not the only one. Although if Ted actually turns out to be ballistic after the reveal, it will only be aimed at him and not at Robin; that much he’s damn well sure of.’_

Barney walks out of that random ambush conversation safe and happy with the knowledge that Ted doesn’t suspect a thing and a welcome reminder that Ted has a new girlfriend now, so Robin’s old news. He couldn’t believe he forgot Ted’s currently dating Dr. Stella Zinman, the sassy Dermatologist. This means Ted’s over Robin (for now) and Barney doesn’t have to worry about breaking his best friend’s trust or anything. Still, he’s aware that Ted wouldn’t exactly be thrilled about Barney’s one-night stand with his ex-girlfriend but maybe, just maybe, Ted wouldn’t be so devastated now that he has a steady, new blonde Medic by his side.

He really thought he would’ve gotten over the guilt, now that Ted refreshed Barney’s memory of Ted’s current dating life. Barney couldn’t though, no matter how much he tries to convince himself that everything is fine. He goes on several shopping sprees at Skymall, his fall back plan to feel better in these types of scenarios but even that isn’t working as usual. In a last resort to assuage his culpability, he hires Marshall as his temporary lawyer. Barney really is that desperate at this point.

Marshall understandably is hesitant to be roped into his mess, once Barney mentions that Marshall needs to keep the upcoming information a secret from everyone and especially from Ted and Lily. The crybaby giant hybrid tries to fight it at first but Barney didn’t get to be where he is in life by simply rolling over, whenever a problem presented itself to screw him nine ways from Sunday.

  
_Oh, no sir. He always found a way out of trouble, even if it sometimes meant creating an even bigger problematic situation to get out than the previous one. Like, maybe now._

“I slept with Robin.”

Barney blurts out in a matter-of-fact tone, after pitching the ball that Marshall unwittingly catches just in time for the hot dog machine to buzz a sharp ping as it ejects fresh hot dogs out.

“You slept with Robin?”

Marshall’s shaken query combined with the horrified look on his face and his particular emphasis on _‘Robin’_ only cements the gutted feeling in Barney’s stomach that this cannot end well. Not that he hadn’t already figured that out, for like the thousandth time or anything.

_Still, it’s worth repeating…Fuck!_

**#!@!#**

Apparently, Marshall’s not mad at him…much, after his initial fuss dies down. Barney’s glad the hot dogs he supplies Marshall with are helping but that’s about the only silver lining he has at the moment. While Marshall begrudgingly agrees to not share this top-secret information with Lily (who is notorious for her big mouth and meddling ways), his questions directing at Barney’s debatable character truly stings.

“Robin knows you slept with her, doesn’t she?”

Barney actually flinches at the line of thought behind the query but doesn’t prefer to go into it then so, he glares disbelievingly at Marshall who thankfully drops the subject.

_‘Did they Marshall really think he’s capable of committing a sexual assault, that he could molest one of his own friends or anyone, really? Is that what their gang thinks of him? That he’s a rapist who takes advantage of women who are unable to give consent. Jesus fucking Christ! Sure, Barney plays up in front of their group with ridiculous tricks to get hot women to sleep with him and yes, it mostly involves tricking few of them in some form or the other. Hell, he actually cooked up most of his elaborate hook-up tales to impress Ted his friends into thinking Barney’s awesome – so awesome in fact that none of them would ever entertain thoughts of kicking Barney to the curb or get tired of him in the long run. But when it comes to a actual deed, Barney makes sure his partners for the night (men and women) are totally down to do the horizontal mumbo with him._

_And, surprisingly almost all the ladies he picked up in plain view of his group are into Barney, at least for a couple of hours - yeah, maybe they might think he’s some rich dude or a celebrity or whatever scheme he concocted but in the end, those women slept with him because Barney’s quoting here, ‘they’re attracted to him’. He did reveal his true intentions early on to the more vulnerable women, those who are clearly dealing with some baggage (choosing to chase away their demons by making more bad decisions like him), and if they still choose Barney and his irresistible charms after hearing him out, well …he makes damn sure that they fucking enjoy the time spent with him. Not to mention, Barney obviously doesn’t sleep with every girl he leaves the bar with; that was only to impress his friends about his perfect game. Most often than not, once he parts with the ladies from McLaren’s bar, Barney promptly drops them off at their places. True story.’_

Seriously, it’s time to rethink if Barney had been overplaying this character of a lecherous playboy with too much precision. He’s only been piling Marshall, Ted and Lily, later Robin with those ridiculous tales, so they would want to keep him around for a long time. Because he had always felt the moment these amazing people realise that Barney’s just an ordinary guy – <strike>no, not going down that path, he’s always been an awesome guy, legendary even</strike>…No, the fact is Barney wants to be that enigmatic character that brings thrill and adventure simply by existing and mostly he needs to be that person his friends never get tired of. If they don’t get bored by his company then they will not leave like…like a lot of people have left him in the past.

Huh, in his zeal to make himself sublime or similar shit, Barney overstepped by a lot. Yes, if his friends thought he’s actually capable of such heinous crimes then it’s time to chop down the Casanova character a bit.  
Barney knows how lucky he is to meet these people when he did and get to call them his friends. Ted Mosby, the guy who has changed his life for better without even realizing it, who introduced Barney to his best friends from college, included and tolerated Barney in their lives, giving him the kind of stability that has truly saved Barney from a lonely existence. Before Ted, he had been used to leading a life in shadows, a mix of darkest moments spent spiraling down in strange bars and flitting out of towns and from others lives like clouds in the sky…always wandering, easily lost and definitely forgotten once out of sight.

He sprouts bullshit about breaking Bro code (The no sex with your bro’s ex) and thinks how if Marshall could find a loophole or something to prove Ted broke the damn Bro code too then, he and Ted would be even. Marshall reluctantly accepts the job from him, not like he has no choice because unemployment sucks big time, and leaves with the Bro code Bible, to find Barney a safety net.

Barney’s entire back-up plan hinges on Marshall discovering in some way that Ted has violated any article, even a single one, of the Bro code so he could have something to defend himself if Ted screams and rants after figuring out the scary truth. Because, Ted will inevitably learn about it and Barney intends to tell Ted himself, someday before that happens. He doesn’t want to hoodwink Ted for that long; he loves and respects that guy way too much to remain unaffected by all the lying. Barney doesn’t want to spend his time worrying and avoid meeting Ted’s gaze because of his stubborn guilt. He just can’t. As it is, he doesn’t have much time with Ted, who is almost always in love with someone or pursuing some new girl thinking she’s the one for him and yearning for the ultimate white picket fence and 2.5 kids American dream.

With Stella – the girlfriend everyone approves, the probability of Ted ending up in a serious relationship is very high because Ted is a loose cannon emotionally and a romantic at heart to boot. That beautiful, spirited doctor has an equally adorable kid for crying out loud, and everyone with functioning eyes can see how badly Ted wants kids, (he will be an awesome dad no doubt about that) and to be part of a delightful, loving family. Something Barney **definitely** cannot provide Ted. So, there’s that!

Sure, Barney never thought of having kids, hell, he never even wanted to be in a relationship either <strike>(not after his last one)</strike> and that’s only due to his own inability to keep people around for long which is indirectly due to his abysmal luck in love…but that’s neither here nor there. The fact is though, for Ted - Barney is more than willing…Ted wanted kids and so, Barney wholeheartedly wants to provide, if not biologically than through adoptive services. Only, Ted is straight and there is nothing Barney could do to change that. So, in the end it’s all a moot point.

Barney can tell that Ted will never consider him in that way, even if Ted somehow miraculously happens to realise that he’s a bisexual overnight; so, Barney is happy to simply hang out with Ted as a friend, his good (best) friend like Ted keeps on insisting. The longer time goes by without revealing the secret of his one nightstand with Robin, the greater chances are that Ted will never speak to him again, when he finds out. Ted Mosby might not be a total macho guy who throws punches around at slightest provocations and gets into bar fights over stupid stuff, but god can the die-hard Star Wars fan hold a grudge like nobody’s business and Barney’s too deep in it to risk being thrown out for one wrong judgment call.

He just wants to makes sure he has something up his sleeve, that proves to the younger guy that Barney is not entirely a lost case, that maybe he could be forgiven…and this mess can be swept away to be forgotten by all parties involved. Hopefully.

Marshall comes back the next day with depressingly bad news, which is not really a surprise to Barney. He had expected it after all – might have hoped against it, sure but also knows it’s quite impossible to pull off. Ted Mosby, the wonderful friend that he is, has time and again upheld the Bro code; Barney remembers all those instances with startling quality like he has of every other memory involving Ted. No matter how humiliating or stupid situations he gets Ted involved in, the loyal architect has always honored the Bro code and had Barney’s back without any complaints, whatsoever. Hmm…maybe with some mild complaining and strong glares in his direction complete with near-constant massive eye-rolling but the point is Ted still upheld Bro code for him. Barney really doesn’t deserve Ted. He knows this and it kinda soothes his persistent heartache of following around the love of his life, with a sure knowledge that his feelings will remain forever unrequited, because even if Ted does choose to play for his home team in the near future, he still deserves someone better than Barney and well, Barney only wants what’s best for Ted…even if it’s not him.

“The reason that you’re upset is because what you did was wrong. And the only way you’re ever gonna feel any better about it is if you tell Ted what you did.” Marshall argues.

The Minnesota native is unrelenting in his opinions that Barney should confess to Ted, sooner the better. Ordinarily he would concede – Fuck, Barney actually agrees with Marshall on this but the very thought of confessing to Ted who might take the info badly has Barney in a choke-hold of terror, threatening to drown him in a vicious sea of fears full of what-ifs.

“What if he never wants to talk to me again?”

Barney finally voices that troubling notion aloud that has been plaguing him from start of this debacle. He cannot expand on why that thought terrifies him so much nor can he explain it to Marshall _‘Ted’s Best friend’_ Erikson how much Barney stands to lose if that were the case. He doubts Marshall would get it or even if he would believe him. After all, none of their gang knows that Barney’s an equal opportunist; firmly believing in and falling for his impressions of a womanizer.

“Well, I guess that’s just a chance you’re gonna have to take.” Marshall coolly retorts, shrugging.

The lucky bastard probably never had to worry about making tough decisions or losing Ted’s precious friendship. It’s hard not be jealous of Marshall sometimes when Barney is reminded of the irksome fact that the 6’4 giant is Ted’s actual best friend since college days and has been through thick and thin with Ted throughout all these years and many more to come.

And really, wasn’t that the heart of this matter. He doesn’t want to risk it despite his better judgment, not when one of the possibilities is losing Ted and his magical company forever. Particularly, since Barney has come to rely on Ted’s presence in his life as surely as air is needed for one’s survival.

**#!@!#**

“Where the hell is this party?” Ted asks, surprise coloring his voice as he peers out through darkened limo windows and notes with confusion, the city speeding away with bustling traffic.

“Vegas.” Barney answers, smirking.

After Marshall left his office, dropping that bombshell – Barney thought long and hard. As much as he hates the outcome of what he’s about to do, he’d much rather Ted learn about him and Robin through his own terms and not from other outside sources. He doesn’t for a moment trust Marshall’s promise of keeping this matter a secret from Lily. That guy just can’t keep his mouth shut near his girlfriend and really, it’s only a matter of time before Ted catches onto any hints or judgment-based sarcasm the red-headed witch is bound to quip in Barney’s traitorous company.

He selfishly wants Ted to be in a good mood when he confesses and what better way to surprise a guy than throwing a surprise three-oh birthday party in Vegas, the sin city!  
Ted already is aware that Lily has planned his surprise party on their terrace, so he will easily follow Barney without any questions when he arrives to pick birthday boy from his office in a limo.

_‘Whatever, that party is so boring. Strip club, unlimited drinks and partying till dawn is the ultimate dream of a red-blooded, straight American guy. Right? That’s how the gang expects Barney to celebrate his birthdays… Even if that’s not Ted’s thing - to celebrate his birthday like an average thirty year old guy’s ultimate fantasy; Ted would definitely enjoy ribbing Barney for his thoughtlessness and then grudgingly participate, maybe even spitefully make Barney spend a lot of money to exact revenge. He is totally fine with that, of course.’_

That thought cheers him up, immensely. Barney is aware Ted’s style leans more into a sweet, emotional nerd guy to enjoy the Casanova’s version of a wild party but what better way to get into Ted’s good graces than to offer him a weekend of unbridled fun. Right? If that means, he gets to spend the entire weekend with Ted without the company of rest of their gang and plus-ones, then it’s an additional bonus. He rarely gets an opportunity to hang out with just Ted these days, as he is constantly travelling to New Jersey half the time to spend with Stella and her kid.

He carefully explains about the awesome plans he had booked for both of them on this trip, talking over Ted when the exasperated brunet tries to interrupt him with no doubt some of the lamest and boring objections in the world. But Ted is relentless as usual when he undoubtedly makes up his mind about it.

“Take me home, Barney.”

His heart skips a bit at being addressed with those choice words in Ted’s no-nonsense commanding tone.

Oh god, how badly did Barney dream of hearing these very words from Ted’s mouth but in a different context. He lets himself envision for a bit that Ted means exactly what he has been continuously hoping for all these years and that is what finally gives Barney the strength to go ahead with his resolution to come clean to Ted.

“Look, Ted, I didn’t want to say this, but…there’s something that I have to tell you, and I wanted you to be in the best possible frame of mind before you heard it.”

“You slept with Robin.”

Ted’s calm statement rang inside the silence of the limo, louder than if Ted had actually shouted the fact.

Barney’s heart jolts at the cool proclamation from Ted, mouth going dry and is generally rendered speechless. The Limo screeches to a halt the next second, and a pitch-black glass partition withdraws as Ranjit makes another unexpected appearance in their life.

  
He can dimly hear the limo driver’s outrage at his stupid actions, putting his entire efforts into watching Ted from a peripheral vision so as to stall having an unavoidable confrontation for few more minutes. Ranjit doesn’t hold back from voicing his opinions on Barney sleeping with Robin, later on urging Ted to hit him. Closing the partition on their furious driver barely pushes back the inevitable talk by seconds before he has to face the music.

_‘All this yelling Ranjit aimed at him was totally warranted by the way but still rude. Still, if even a random acquaintance who occasionally drives them around has such a strong, negative reaction to the news he wonders what Ted would in fact do to him.'_

Barney braces himself, waiting for the other shoe to fall even as Ted’s neutral expression gives nothing away.

_‘Why isn’t he mad? Ted should be yelling profanities by now…’_

He gulps and steels himself but his infamous gut that saw him through several devastating turns of his life, kicks into gear and Barney could do nothing but to slip on yet another mask, chaotic neutral is what he prefers to call this one and it has come in handy several times before. _Well, once more for good luck._

Barney swirls the scotch in his half-empty glass idly, following dark contents sloshing around edges and waits for Ted to speak, yell or even curse. Anything other than this deceptive calmness from Ted that Barney is damn sure is a farce. He didn’t get to be a good judge of character and an expert at human body language, for nothing. And right now, Barney can tell he’s in for a hurricane of wrath and hurt…and the worst thing is, he hates that he’s the reason Ted’s going through these emotions and really, he wholly deserves whatever punishment Ted thinks of and then some. Anything and everything except the ONE he’s truly dreading.

He only hopes Ted doesn’t decide to banish him from his life. Anything but that. Really, Barney can take anything else literally than eternal distance and silence from Ted’s end.  
He takes in another deep breath, bracing himself and discreetly crosses his fingers as he waits for Ted to break the cold silence enveloping them.

_‘Well, in for a dime, in for a dollar. Here goes nothing.’_

**~$@#!@!#@$~**

* * *

Ted was going through few of his things lying around his room, when in a sudden bout of inspiration gathers few photographs that he’s sure Robin might like to have. Since he is sorting out all his old stuff and clearing up space, he might as well give away things he has no use for. He calls Robin over from their kitchen just as Marshall leaves acting strange and jittery. Robin walking towards him appearing as composed and cool like she always does, so Marshall’s weirdness couldn’t be a result of whatever conversation they both were having a minute ago.

_‘Huh. What’s up with Marshall? He seems to really be out of it. Hmm…he’ll just ask him later.’_

Ted smiles, handing over a photograph containing pleasant memories of their past relationship to Robin as she comes over, poker face on. Huh. It was of one of their happy flashes when he and Robin were dating, when everything’s all sunshine and rainbows. Although he’s the kind of guy to hold onto things, Ted has decided it is time to let go of his past with Robin, now that he’s dating Stella and things are well, getting serious. Okay, not really serious by definition but he’s happy with her and the tiny flame of hope is once again starting to build up in his chest, higher and stronger than ever before that maybe Stella’s the one, Ted’s been searching for all his life.

“I don’t know if you’d even want it, but if you do, it’s yours.” He tells Robin, seeing her cradling the picture carefully and knowing she would definitely want it.

“I slept with Barney.” Robin blurts, out of the blue and halting his content thoughts.

“What?”

Ted wasn’t sure he heard that right. Surely, he is hallucinating and misheard her. He blinks a couple of times and nah, she’s still here and maintaining that ashen expression of someone breaking horrible news. No. Barney and Robin…no way. Barney wouldn’t do that. This must be one of his stupid pranks and that idiot has somehow roped Robin into yanking Ted’s chain. It’s couldn’t have been serious…

  
A weird buzzing sound started ringing in his ears from the moment Robin mentioned those hellish words, but that couldn’t have been right…right? She has already started speaking before Ted could get his bearings. Now that he’s paying attention, Ted can see Robin wringing her hands and looking extremely anxious as though she is worried how he’d react…which is a valid concern, Ted thinks.

_So, it’s not a trick then. Robin and…Barney, they slept together. Wow. Like, when the hell did this even happen and how long were they…?_   
_ Cause he has no idea how to take in- this thing? Is it a thing… are Robin and Barney a thing, now?_

“It was just one time,” Robin’s talking again, looking guilty and agitated, “it, it was the night that Simon dumped me, and I was in a really vulnerable place and I…I wanted to just pretend like it never happened, but I couldn’t, and…I can’t. I just, I had to tell you.”

_Oh, turns out Ted did hear that right. Huh. So, it’s not a thing, then. He’s…wow, shocked (yeah, that’s right!) and the numbness is slowly dissolving with Robin’s explanation and paving way for pain to seep into his gutted system. Wow. He did not expect to be backstabbed by his friends when he woke up this morning._   
_ Robin is thoroughly apologetic as she met his eyes, and Ted wonders offhandedly about what must be going on in her head, for her to take on such a hangdog expression. Hurt, betrayal? Must be both …because her next words pretty much confirms Ted’s suspicions. Huh._

“And…I just hope that we can still be friends.” She takes a deep breath and waits for him to respond, worry visible across her beautiful face that he once was head-over-heels in love with.

Ted doesn’t immediately reply; he’s still flabbergasted by the latest turn of events even though Robin’s account left little room for doubt, especially considering Barney’s persona. The numbness easily turns into anger within seconds and then that rage is aimed at Barney because of course this is all his fucking fault. Everything always seems to be that blond git’s fault.

Ted tries to answer as soon as he gets a grip on his feelings, because this isn’t Robin’s fault and he doesn’t want her to feel any worse than she already does.

“Of course, we can still be friends.” He clears the air, even attempting a reassuring smile that seems to have fooled her. It sure feels super fake to him, like it hurt to even try.

“So, you’re not mad?” Robin asks, tension slowly easing away from her stiff shoulders, noticeable quite obviously as she’s dressed in a strapless pink top that works well with her complexion, drawing attention to her collarbone and highlighting them.

He used to love trailing kisses all over her shoulders and at the junction of her neck. Ted gets a random thought as to whether Barney left behind any hickeys there and had to instantly force his mind from conjuring images of those two in compromising positions, clenching his fists to not give away his sudden glare of temper to a carefully observing Robin.

As Ted looks over her again, he realizes that he truly means it. Robin is still dear to him and Ted cannot imagine not being friends with her, even though he no longer feels desperately in love with her. He certainly is not mad at her for sleeping with Barney. Even if it’s evident that she wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind to have made that particular call. Ted remembers clearly how upset Robin had been that night while announcing about the Simon bastard dumping her again. No, he is not mad at her at all.

Robin sounds skeptical not that Ted could really blame her. He is not exactly known for simply letting things go, which seems to be the case here. Still, this weird feeling that somehow seemed to have taken firm root in his heart, kicking up a storm in the gut region and is also, kinda choking his throat is not aimed at Robin, that much Ted’s damn sure of.

“Well, I’m…” He tries to find the best words to articulate his thoughts without coming across as reproachful. “It’s a little weird, but, um, No, I’m not mad.” Is what Ted finally settles on and it works quite well in noticeably dissuading her fears.

Robin, understandably, is glad and they awkwardly leave the living room mumbling inane excuses after that. Neither of them is willing to be subjected to the awkwardness looming in the other’s presence. At least, not until they had a chance to work it out, separately and had some time to cool down.

**#!@!#**

It was all Ted could think and reflect on for the next few days and it bugged the hell out of him. He’s kinda glad office took his mind off the whole ‘Robin and Barney’ incident and throws himself into helping his colleagues with their projects whenever he could get away with it, once free time starts landing in his hands.

The thought of Barney with Robin is like a knife to his gut, twisting hard the more Ted thinks about it, and the last thing he needs is to see both of them in the same room and worse still, he’s expected to act normal – like it doesn’t kill Ted to do so.

Annoying Barney with his devilish charm, waltzing around town with his fucking smart one-liners and his penchant for getting away with things. After finding out the truth, Ted couldn’t bear to be around that jerk when Barney invariably hits on innocent women and worse, Robin too, like it’s not a big deal. He cannot stand to watch that sleaze walk away with another girl to get laid, smirking and winking all the fucking way. Just no!

So, Ted starts pulling late nights at work to escape spending evenings hanging out and drinking with his friends, to avoid being in the same company as Barney. Robin approaches him again, two days later at his apartment, probably to make sure things are still good between them and Ted again reassures her beyond doubt that they’re still friends. He feeds Robin bullshit about deadline for a project that she buys (hook-line-and sinker) because apparently sometime during her terrible confession to him, Ted gained an instant surprise superpower of successfully pulling wool over people’s eyes. Or maybe it’s just Robin’s? He doesn’t want to look too closely into this.

Either way, Ted’s understandably wary about being in company of his friends when he has yet to figure out how to behave around Barney ‘backstabbing’ Stinson. See, he genuinely is okay with Robin, hell, Ted actually gets it. She’s heartbroken and at her lowest on that night and is not to be held accountable for her actions. Barney though, he has no excuses. That fucker should have known better, hell, he should have held himself together and not preyed on their emotionally fragile friend when she’s defenseless against that patent Stinson tricks and manipulation.

All Ted knows is, this isn’t something he wants to discuss with Lily and Marshall. Not that his best friends (that’s right!) wouldn’t offer insights on how to deal with the situation and have his back. More like, this feels incredibly personal and involves just him, Robin and Barney; at least at this moment it does. Plus, he’s pretty sure Marshall already knows which automatically means that Lily does too. Really, Marshall’s strange behavior that day and subsequent shifty-eyes and random twitches in Ted’s presence the following days, could only mean one thing: Barney opened his big mouth and babbled to Marshall, perhaps to gain counsel (legal or otherwise) on how to deal with him.

Huh.

The more Ted thinks about it, the more accurate it feels. Barney Stinson is many things but not an idiot (most of the time) and his first plan of action is to always save his own ass at all costs. It makes sense that Barney would rope in Marshall, a lawyer somehow into helping him out. Whatever. Marshall is his best friend since college days and HIS friend first, not Barney’s. Ted’s pretty sure if it ever comes down to picking sides, Marshall and Lily will be on his…and maybe Robin too. It’s just a hypothetical scenario, right now and Ted doesn’t have to go down this path, he hopes so anyway.

April 25th - his thirtieth birthday is just days away and Ted couldn’t really keep excusing himself just to avoid Barney’s company – at least not on the D-day because then everyone’s bound to notice that something’s up and Ted doubts his new-found deceiving skills will work on Lily, never mind Barney _‘I lie during every breathing moment of my life’_ Stinson. Ted has to take a stance on where he stands by Friday, whether it is to move past Barney’s treachery and behave as though nothing’s changed or confront that skirt chaser and have it out with him.

By Thursday night, the vague idea rolling around the back of his mind turns into a full-blown plan of action. Lying in bed, Ted contemplates his feelings from the past few days. He realizes some part of him wants to punch Barney badly, sock him in the face, marring the player’s best feature for daring to sleep with Robin.

  
_Who is he kidding? Knowing Barney, that motherfucker would use his black-eye to score more action with naïve ladies of New York, citing stupid and over the top stories painting himself as a gallant Knight in a shining armor role or equivalent shit._

_‘Damn that bastard to hell! And fuck his life for even caring about that blond Don Juan, in the first place.’_

Ted is not going to confront Barney about this nor is he going to lecture the fucker either. That would be like yelling in Russian to a Chinese deaf guy. Barney’s incorrigible and no amount of explanations will be adequate for Ted to forgive the jerk anytime soon. Ted will wait and see if Barney will bring it up or will go on pretending like he has been since the next day of the _‘incident’_.

If Barney does bring it up, which he doubts, then Ted will voice out his opinions – his exact view on the swine move Barney pulled…else, he, well, he will let sleeping dogs lie.

Again, he is skeptical of that decision since Ted knows himself best and he’s never the one for bottling his feelings up but then again, as much as he loves to instigate a righteous speech and antagonize his opponent, that’s only in theory. Ted’s most likely to walk away from a confrontation than initiate it and really, staying up all night worrying about Barney’s loose morals isn’t working out for him if the past sleepless nights are any indication.

True, he is still hurt and smarting whenever he thinks of Barney with Robin and even when he doesn’t the pain lingers in the background like an infected wound screaming for attention. But, what can Ted do about it? Robin’s seems to be fine with it and yes, Barney did a horrible thing which is his default status, yet Ted is the one broken up about it. Can he ever move on and get over the deceit he was subjected to, courtesy of his _‘supposed’_ friend?

In his darkest moments following the epiphany, he fantasizes cursing the older guy and banishing him out of his life. The thought makes him feel good for about 3.8 minutes and then, Ted imagines his life without one Barney Stinson in it.

It will be back to him, Marshall and Lily (with addition of Robin) again. They will hang out in their apartment and downstairs bar, catching up on games and movies, go out sporadically and be back by a reasonable time standards for a responsible adult in NYC, and there will be no unnecessary hurdles or drama in their lives.

_Just good old-fashioned fun…_

Yeah, there will also be no spontaneous outings or incredible challenges taken for the heck of it or catching life’s unexpected curveballs and making it into a game to spite them gods as Barney is fond of saying... Robin can be their new Barney, they are quite similar in their penchant for adventures and trouble, sometimes…Fuck! As much of a pain in ass Barney is, he is also the reason their gang has some of the best fantastic memories of their lives. Ted cannot imagine a life without the blond son-of-a-bitch in his their lives.

It feels good though…those 3.8 minutes. It absolutely soothes his ruffled feathers and gives Ted a momentary peace from the constant agony that has been assaulting his senses from conjuring up visuals of Barney naked against Robin and doing the numerous filthy things he had informed Ted in the past, positions he’s capable of doing…sexual acts that have left Ted mildly turned on and hugely embarrassed.

He flushes deeply, counting his lucky stars for managing to hide his uncomfortable arousal from hearing all the prominent sexscapades in detail near Barney.

_'Whatever, he is a healthy male having a natural reaction to hearing about sex and Barney, unfortunately tends to be too specific, sometimes describing events in extreme detail even when not required, so it’s not weird or anything that Ted ended up wanking to those stories and the vivid images they had painted…'_

Ted firmly squashes the stimulating memories of few encounters he had with other men during his short experimental phase in college. It’s not a big deal; everyone experiments in college, except Marshall and Lily though. Ted never discussed it with his best friends, the topic of his (very) brief trysts with guys because Marshall and Lily always came across as vanilla and pretty conservative, run-of-the mill sweet guys to him in the beginning and Ted really didn’t want to lose their friendship over something that isn’t going to be a permanent thing for him. Sure, he likes batting for the home-team every now and then but not enough to set shop and definitely not so much that he felt the need to announce it, from rooftops or otherwise.

But now…Ted’s being reminded of his earlier struggles and everything he has tried to ignore has come rushing back to bite him in the ass and Ted hates Barney more for it. Hates that the ignorant sleaze had no idea he’d nearly caused Ted to have another sexuality crisis and is currently torturing him yet again by all those unwanted erotic images of him with Ted’s ex-girlfriend and present best friend.

_God, but Ted hates Barney with a fiery passion of thousand burning suns. Shakespeare got that one right!_

Ted’s exhausted; from all the wakeful nights he has been suffering from reflecting Barney’s actions to all the hours he’s put in at the office trying to empty his mind from replaying images of Barney with Robin that his dramatic imagination had conjured up. He’s just about done, from all the running away and trying to hide tactic he employed from facing the unavoidable truth.

Barney did a bad thing, which is usual for him and it was foolish of Ted to expect that…he would never be on the receiving end of Barney’s cruel schemes. His fault really. Ted didn’t know why he had expected things to be different when it comes to him…whatever, he’s done pondering about this and letting it get to him.

True, he’s beyond pissed but he is also kinda past the hurt stage now. Hating Barney would do him no good. Indifference is the key. Yeah, it’s also the only way for Ted to preserve his sanity and attain some resemblance of stability in his life.

With that comforting thought, Ted manages to fall asleep, close to dawn and plans to be ready to face the world come next day and welcome his big three-oh.

**#!@!#**

“So, you’re not mad?”

Barney enquires; the déjà vu is not lost on Ted. Although the way he felt when Robin confessed is a lot different from when Barney revealed the same information. Besides, Ted’s had plenty of time to think about this and has come to a decision as to how to proceed next.

It’s all he could think about during late nights, stuck within the four walls of his room and at his office when he has even a second to spare… white hot rage taking over his mind and body, muscles tense and jaw sore from all clenching he did at the thoughts of Barney hooking up with Robin. And the way it still makes him feel, the underling faint jealousy and faint desire, has Ted seriously reconsidering his thoughts on the closed chapter of his and Robin’s relationship. But the end result is the same, he and Robin are over.

Whatever emotions he’s going through since learning of her night with Barney has everything to do with his over-protective instincts coming to play at the thought of his mourning friend being taken advantage of by another friend completely lacking in scruples.

Ted refuses to even consider his faint attraction to Barney playing any role in this.

“No, I’m not mad. I mean, Robin and I broke up a year ago.”

Ted is amazed to find he responds calmly as intended, gesturing with his hands, wide open in a shrug. “We’ve, we’ve both dated lots of people since then. I’m with Stella now.”

Barney shrugs, as though he did forget Stella’s existence for a hot moment there. Ted continues, forcing out a reassuring smile. “Seriously, I…I’m fine with this.”

_‘No, he’s not. And it’s funny how no one is catching on to that fact despite being worried about that possibility, initially. As to why he’s not fine with it…he, himself isn’t sure. He has a list of reasons to back his fury, yet it kind of feels like this goes beyond all rationale and yeah, he doesn’t want to dig deep, just knows that he is not okay with it and that’s it.’_

Barney lets out a deep sigh then, serenity taking over his previously cagey behavior at Ted’s reply, leaning his head against the limousine seat. The Blond is being his usual arrogant self when it comes to sprouting nonsense and seriously, had Ted not known the truth, he wouldn’t have suspected a damn thing.

“I’m so relieved to hear you say that.” He reveals chuckling slightly, avoiding Ted’s gaze and instead focusing on his clasped fingers, soundly strangely subdued for once.

“Yeah. Yeah” Ted mentions, biting his lips thoughtfully at Barney’s little ‘confession’.

“Oh. Hey, I just remembered, um, my mom is coming into town next month. Maybe you’d like to NAIL HER, TOO!”

He shouts that last part, looming over (as much as he could in that blasted limo’s confines anyway) and startling Barney into almost dropping his damned scotch glass.

_Yes, he did. That jackass, however, wasn’t least bit perturbed by his furious exclamation. Not one bit. Barney just glances at Ted, his flawless blond eyebrow raised artfully irritatingly, that he must have perfected in his mirror or something. Like the fucker has expected Ted to lose it and is glad to be right as always._

“Three billion women on the planet!” Ted continues, flushed with anger and undeterred by Barney’s lack of reaction, other than going back to grabbing his glass and sipping at it leisurely. “Three billion! And you have to sleep with the one that I dated for a year! Are you kidding me?”

Ted is livid, and steadily reaching new heights of infuriation, that he is quite surprised steam is not rushing out of his ears like a cartoon character. His nose flares and his breathing speeds up in response to the adrenaline spike in his system.

Ted repeats, exasperated at the lack of excuses or even apologies from the slick devil seated next to him. “Are you kidding me? Robin?”

He wants to strangle Barney, throttle him with his bare hands for doing this to <strike>them</strike> him, for making him this mad and upset and all because the fucking maniac couldn’t keep it in his pants for few minutes. Even more, it just annoys him that Barney, who speaks like 70 words per a minute, is remaining quiet and not providing reasons or stupid facts (like its typical of him) to justify his treachery. Not that Ted will be convinced or anything but Barney allowing silence to fill the limo is making Ted more aggravated than any of his moronic excuses could’ve ever managed to do so.

Finally, Barney leans over to place the blasted glass down and turns to look at Ted. “You think I’m proud of this?! I’m horrified that this happened.”

Once again, Ted is taken back by how sombre Barney appears and sounds. No, he shakes his head internally, this is all an act. Barney Stinson is a brilliant actor who is used to manipulating people to get what he wants, and Ted is not an exception. He was never an exception. He’s an idiot for thinking otherwise. Ted won’t let the older guy fool him anymore.

_Just no._

Ted’s done taken for granted, was beyond reason or logic at this point, unwilling to listen Barney out even for courtesy sake.

He simply demands as Ted has the right to know, “how did it happen? Huh? Barney, I want to know. Tell me exactly how it happened.”

God knows, Ted had to listen to Barney regaling some of his thorough exploits, the more challenging a person, the more excruciatingly in detail they ended up being told.

“You mean…what position?” Barney questions, looking perplexed yet sounding obnoxious to Ted’s biased ears.

_That’s the last straw._

Ted’s control snaps, and he tries to punch the jerk but isn’t quick enough or Barney’s too experienced and gets blocked. The latter possibly, since that scumbag had to have been in plenty of similar situations.

_‘Why did he even put up with that douche till now?’_

Ted still cannot comprehend why he’s so affected by Barney’s duplicity. He shouldn’t have expected any better from that man whore, this is who he is, after all. Hell, Ted’s surprised Barney lasted this long without making a move to sleep with Robin. Barney certainly tries and hits on Lily every chance he gets, and Ted naively thought it’s just a running joke with no real intent but now he isn’t so sure. Barney probably would’ve slept with Lily too if the opportunity presented itself, and wouldn’t give a damn if it ends up affecting her relationship with Marshall because that’s how much of a selfish bastard Barney is.

They tussle for a bit with Ted trying to land a punch anywhere he could and Barney, accomplishing in heading him off yet again. Ranjit supporting him with a chorus of ‘Hit him’ from the rolled-down shade in the front, helps to slightly appease Ted’s mood after his failure to inflict any real pain on his so called back-stabbing (best) friend.

Barney finally concedes to have a free hit because Ted deserves to be mad, hell yeah. Even that doesn’t work to pacify his temper. Ted didn’t have to think hard on where to target, once Barney establishes his (good-looking) face is off limits. Ted just makes certain his rage is properly conveyed through the right-hooked thump, aimed at Barney’s groin area. The next best part to inflict serious pain! He doesn’t care that by doing so, he is breaking one of Barney’s precious Bro-codes.

“Who punches someone in the groin?” Barney wheezes, holding the said area while grimacing in obvious pain.

Ted waits for his rage to simmer down and the mild shaking in his hands to pass, to feel better as he typically does after talking or in cases like this, doing something about what bothers him. Nope, his blood’s still boiling and every word out of Barney’s mouth is only serving to offend him further. Ted grinds his teeth as if to physically stop himself from uttering words he’s likely to regret later. Why he’s exercising caution when Barney had already gone ahead and done the unthinkable, Ted has no idea.

“But, what’s important now is…we’re past this whole Robin thing now, right?” Barney requests; oblivious of Ted’s strenuous efforts to rein in his temper.

“You think that this is just about Robin?” Ted queried clenching his fists by his side, startling both but mostly himself, by how calm he sounds, despite the polar opposite of his inner-monologue.

_And, what exactly is this about if not Robin?_

He can’t wait to find out what his mouth’s gonna come up with since his brain definitely didn’t get the script beforehand.

“This is about…” He stops and stares at Barney, actually looks at him since he has gotten into the limo. “You know, I’ve seen you do some bad stuff. I mean some really terrible stuff to a lot of different people. I just always thought there had to be a limit. I always thought I was the limit. You’re always sprouting off these rules for bros. Isn’t one of them, _‘don’t do this’_?”

“Yeah. And I broke it. I’m sorry.” Barney admits, and he even sounds genuine for a change.

_‘Goddamn it. This isn’t fair. Barney doesn’t get to affect him in this way.’_

Ted turns away towards his side of the window.

He has no idea where he’s going with this, but something tells him, that he’s skating close to the edge of a massive cliff, one wrong step and he’s very likely to free-fall into abyss. Ted is uncertain and it’s killing him, this devastated feeling that just won’t let go since he found out about Robin and Barney. It’s slowing driving him insane with these poisonous thoughts that Ted knows he shouldn’t be harboring.

“I am not going to Vegas with you! I’m not gonna blow off my friends, and my girlfriend, and spend my thirtieth birthday in a strip club. The fact that you think I would…you know Barney, earlier this week I started putting things in a box and that box was labeled ‘stuff I have no use for anymore’.”

“What does that mean?”

“It means…maybe you belong in that box.”

Ted’s mouth does that thing again. As the now familiar burning sentiment fills up in his chest again; his heart, the traitorous thing that it is, gave a twinge upon hearing his own words.

And before he knows it, Ted is washing his hands-off of Barney, something he should’ve done a long time ago, he repeats to himself. He doesn’t focus on why he didn’t, instead on what he has to do now. Just think of those 3.8 minutes of peace, it’s is worth it.

_‘This is for the best.’_ He reminds himself. Barney doesn’t even belong in their group, lord knows why this guy decided to follow him in MacLaren’s bar that day and became a permanent fixture in his life and friends circle but it’s time to kick Barney to the curb and be done with it.

“Are you saying you don’t want to be bros anymore?”

Barney’s voice, damn the jerk to hell, sounded both lost and wrecked at the same time. But Ted cannot afford to give Barney the benefit of doubt, not now. _No way in hell._

“I’m saying I don’t want to be friends anymore.” Ted clarifies.

Barney immediately frowns in response. “Okay, I’m going to stop you right there, because it seems like you’re about to say something that gonna pretty much ruin Vegas.”

Ted though, has heard enough. Leaning forward, he clicks on the button to unwind the partition blind between the passenger’s and driving compartment to address his unexpected ally.

“Ranjit, stop the car. I’m getting a cab.”

He walks away, leaving Barney inside the limo without a backwards glance. He hails a cab back to the city and does his best to clear his mind off the recent clash with his now ex-friend and tries to forget the look on Barney’s face when he realized Ted’s being serious about no longer being friends.

Ted focuses on the passing, vibrant landscape throughout his cab ride, ignoring the slight tremor in his hands and does his best to push down the doubts trying to creep in, that insist he’s possibly over-reacting and maybe he’s been too harsh on Barney.

_‘No. He did the right thing. Barney had been nothing but an inconvenience to him from the start, using him as a prop to get laid and lure gullible women into sleeping with him. He has no use for friends he cannot trust. In fact, this is his gift to himself for his birthday – A Barney free life, where he doesn’t have to suffer through any more humiliations just so, that leech could get laid. Yes, this is a good thing, the best thing that could’ve happened to him.’_

Once he reaches his empty apartment, Ted takes a moment to steel himself, and slides open the window to venture up the fire-escape to reach the terrace.

Ted finds it surprisingly easy to pretend nothing bizarre happened tonight, like he didn’t just cast out a good friend, no, his best friend (because Barney had been his best friend even though he’d claimed otherwise – mostly to annoy Barney) and acts surprised in front of his other friends gathered for his big birthday party. He lets himself be propelled in the direction of cake and gets lost in the humdrum of celebration.

If his smiles are either too tight or his laughter a little too loud, then it’s no one’s business but his own. Thankfully, no one seems to notice anything off about Ted and that works well in his favor.

_‘A new start’_, Ted thinks, as he downs the plastic glass of beer pushed into his hands – his friends mingling and conversing happily around him.

He sways a little, holding onto Stella as she continues to talk with Lily and Robin with Marshall draping his hand over his girlfriend as usual. Ted has everyone he needs around him, Barney can fuck off for all he cares. Actually, he’s gonna stop thinking about that son of a bitch. He’s going to look forward to finally living a Barney free existence.

Ted smiles, cheered up at the prospect of Barney trying to weasel back into Ted’s life and finding out that he is not welcome anymore…

_Oh_, Ted cannot wait to see that look of betray on Barney’s face and maybe then he’ll have an idea as to how Ted felt when Barney stabbed him in the back. _Ha!_

_‘Yup! To a totally new and Barney free existence. Happy Fantastic Birthday and Big freaking three-oh!’_

**~$@#!@!#@$~**


	2. A Barney Free Existence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Seasons Greetings to y'all and hope 2020 will be kind and prosperous to everyone!!  
~~  
WARNING: This chapter mentions a character going through clinical depression, and (fleetingly) alludes to past suicidal tendencies, anxiety, paranoia and panic attacks. Also, contains a short description of such thoughts, which are not carried through.  
Oh, and be prepared to board the angst train of feels!  
You've been warned. Please proceed with caution. xoxo

_**“Contrariwise,” continued Tweedledee, “if it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; but as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic.”** _

_\- Alice Through the Looking Glass, by Lewis Carroll_

“I’m saying I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

Barney sat immobile for a long time in shock, with those agonizing words playing in a never-ending loop as Ted left <strike>him</strike> the limo without a backwards glance, slamming the door shut in an echo of finality. God, Ted sounded so final when declaring his decision, no hesitation or doubt and certainly no wavering in tone except for absolute conviction. Ted must have really thought this decree through…Barney wonders feebly how long did it even take for Ted to reach this verdict, to remove Barney from his life, probably, within seconds of finding out his one-night stand with Robin.

He expected nothing less…dreaded it, yes but no, not really surprised. It didn’t make this any less painful though, like he had taken a dagger to his heart. And what an acute statement that is…Barney Stinson has gotten his heart broken yet again and this time (most likely, like all the previous times) it’s totally one hundred percent his fault.

_‘Yup. He screwed up the best thing that has ever happened to him and it’s entirely his damn fault. Really though, he saw this coming from a mile away but was helpless, no, it’s time to quit his pathetic excuses and face reality. He was too lazy to prevent it. Still, he shouldn’t have fucking joked about Robin and sexual positions, with Ted (Barney knows that) but unfortunately his chaotic freaking self-defense mechanism couldn’t shut up for once and god that’s like throwing fuel over fire and hoping to extinguish it …yeah, it’s not like it could’ve have gone any another way. _

_Ted has been in love with Robin for a long time and he probably still loves her, even if it isn’t in the same way as before. Fingers crossed on that! Sleeping with Robin when she’s in a vulnerable position is one thing but to actually joke, no, make crude comments about it is basically inviting trouble and Ted, …well I delivered it. Yeah, so no fucking surprise there! _

_Maybe it’s me. I’m clearly never meant to find love and certainly not the requited kind..._

_He remembers the last time he was in love with absolute clarity, and how it felt to have his world thrown into utter chaos of his own doing…when he broke up, no was dumped unceremoniously by Matt. Barney had been lost in a sea of pain for a long time. He only had managed to barely survive by completely closing off to emotions, and turning instead into a cold, calculating animated corpse. _

_Fuck, but losing Matthew nearly killed him. Even now, thinking about the taller brunet brings up haunting memories interlaced with a sense of belonging and pain, so profound it’s like Barney got his heart stomped all over again. Shit, there’s a reason he doesn’t EVER think of Matt and had taken on an immature playboy persona – a way to fool him and others into believing Barney doesn’t care about anything and anyone except for himself. It worked a little too well. _

_It took almost a year of random hook-ups and aimless wandering for him to accidentally run into Ted that eventual night and an impulsive follow through to approach the reserved brunet and the rest is well, history… metaphorically and now, literally too.’ _

Barney could vaguely make out Ranjit speaking as though from a great distance instead of just few feet apart, enquiring about where to go next. He couldn’t care less at the moment if Ranjit decides to drive them off a cliff; in fact, he’d highly encourage that idea and follow it up with a huge tip.

Something in his face must have tipped Ranjit off because the Bangladeshi driver immediately quits his angry jibber-jabber and resumes driving in silence. Barney has no idea where Ranjit’s taking them and leaning back in the plush seat again, staring outside blankly, he finds that the destination no longer matters to him.

_‘Fuck! He had always known that he’s on a borrowed time with Ted, but never once did he imagine it would end this way. Sure, he knew that once Ted meets the love of his life and starts a McDreamy martial life, Barney would have to graciously bow out and then eventually distance himself from the ever optimistic, over-thinking sap and maybe just stick to visiting Ted and their gang every couple of years or so. That’s the plan anyway, not sure if he would actually have had the strength to follow upon it - whether it’s the walking away from Ted part or his ability to witness Ted in a blissful married life and remain unaffected by it. _

_But it’s a moot point as Ted is gone now. He will soon realize that Barney is dispensable or worse yet the conscientious nerd will completely forget all about him. Marshall will probably convince Ted that one best friend is all he needs and has space for in his life. Perhaps he is judging Marshall too harshly? That giant freak is supposed to be all marshmallow goodness inside, right? He wouldn’t encourage his brother-in-arms to abandon Barney just like that…from what he conversed with the lawyer in his office few days back; he didn’t think Erikson harbored any ill-feelings towards him. Or there is a chance he did, and Barney was simply too blindsided to notice them. After all, he did take every opportunity to blatantly contest for the coveted position (and failed miserably each time), Marshall held in Ted’s life. _

_He recalls the early days of his friendship with Ted and how conspicuously Marshall had been opposed to Barney’s turnout in their social gatherings. They both had come a long way from their unspoken rivalry since then, at least Barney thought so. What if, all along Marshall has been waiting for a golden opening to kick Barney out for good…? He really shouldn’t have playfully hit on Lily near the Neanderthal, or even riled Marshall up so often. Yeah, Lily…yes, now she knows Barney means no harm when he joked all those times about finding her hot – he did, aesthetically speaking. _

_Lily knows Barney doesn’t really mean a thing he says…they did have a brief and terrifying, private conversation about the way he runs his mouth when Barney first announced that Ted is his new best friend. The feisty redhead had all but interrogated him in excruciating detail about his intentions within the short span of time they could manage to get away from Ted and Marshall. It's only when Lily was satisfied, with the conclusion Barney and his prattle is totally harmless that he was truly welcomed into their small group. So, she would believe Barney wasn’t capable of even entertaining any nefarious plans for her or Robin…Lily was always able to tell, instinctively, whenever he blew smoke out of his ass while talking about conquests but she kept quiet for some reason. _

_Fuck, but he’s pretty sure Aldrin, now Mrs. Erikson, figured out or at least suspects that he’s into guys as well. Barney had caught more than a few times, a dangerous glint in the petite’s eyes that spoke of possible enlightenment while she watched his interactions with Ted; and this was usually when Barney makes a dramatic exit from the bar, after picking up some hot chick and parting ways with the lady a safe distance away. Lily couldn’t really have known for sure as she never broached this topic with him which is so unlike her, had it really been the case. _

_So, yes…Lily would probably not allow Marshall to do something stupid, like egging on an already pissed Ted. Or… is Lily secretively against him too? Fricking balls! _

_No, she wouldn’t do that…Lily could be counted on to plead his case,... right? Barney sure as hell hopes so. She has the tendency to play the devil’s advocate and fight for the underdogs. He loves that about her, and with any luck Lily will take on his case. _

_Oh, who is he kidding? Maybe he shouldn’t have antagonized Lily and Marshall as much as he did…Wait, Robin does hate him too, now? Oh god! Why does he always have to ruin everything? Why couldn’t he have just one good thing going on for him that is free of bad luck? Shit, but Ted Mosby is the closest he’s ever gotten to having a_ _good-luck charm in his fucked up life and now, that’s gone too…and it’s absolutely his own fucking fault. FUCK!!’ _

It’s a couple of minutes or few hours later, Barney has no clue when the limo pulls over to a side and stops. The roaring in his ears diminishes slowly to a low buzzing level of a bee, when the partition lowers again and Ranjit calls his name, pulling him out from a brooding state.

Barney has to swallow twice to get his dry mouth working in a normal manner again. One of the first things he’s ever learned is: it wouldn’t do to appear weak or affected before an audience; even if his heart has just been through an emotional shredder and there’s no one left to witness it except a guy you pay to drive you around. The last thing Barney wants is to be pitied or looked down for almost having an emotional meltdown inside of a limo, no less. _God, when the hell did he, Barney Freaking Stinson, became a cliché?_

“Don’t tell me, we reached Vegas already? Awesome!!” Barney intones in a faux cheerful voice and patent grin comes out in full force to make up for his maudlin silence so far.

Ranjit doesn’t look too impressed with Barney's ability to fake perky retorts (way better than sympathy) and scowls darkly to express it. “No, Barney. We are at your place. I need to know if you wish to cancel this trip or not…”

Barney stays quiet for a minute, pondering on the benefits of staying in New York versus partying in Vegas…AKA wallowing in self-pity or losing his ability to think via engaging in a marathon of sex with strangers. The latter option sounds extremely appealing but somehow even thinking of leaving this city, especially after <strike>break up</strike> fight with Ted feels oddly wrong.

Besides, if the plan is to escape reality via sexcapades, what better place to be in than the greatest New York City itself, where plenty of awesome options are just around the corner if only one knows where to look, that is? And Barney Stinson, playboy extraordinaire has absolutely no trouble finding these opportunities.

His face contorts into another artificial, charming smile a result of years of trained habit and aims it at Ranjit, who reluctantly accepts Barney’s generous tip along with his fare.

“Thanks, Ranjit. But I’ll be getting down here.”

He moves to step out of limo when the middle-aged man gently calls Barney back with his standard, strong accent.

“Barney, you shouldn’t have slept with Robin… that is wrong. But from what I can tell, Ted is a good person, a gentleman. Give him some time and he will surely forgive you.”

Barney blinks, startled at the kind words addressed to him and tries to offer a genuine smile in return, muttering thanks to dare he say, another friend. Better not to think that way, Barney seems to have an unfortunate habit of losing them faster than he could befriend them. He bids a hasty good-bye to Ranjit and goes inside the swanky Manhattan building, wanting to be alone in his sanctuary – _the Fortress of Barnitude_; so he can fall apart in peace without any unwanted spectators gawking at his plight.

**#!@!# **

Barney's laid in bed staring at the unmarked ceiling, hoping with every fiber of his being that Ted’s having a good time with his closest, and loyal friends. Barney prays to whoever is listening that he hadn’t managed to ruin the big birthday party for Ted too.

The initial plan was to go out and sleep his way through the Empire state, once he’d succeeded in putting himself back together. Unfortunately for him, Barney neither had the strength nor motivation to stop once he got going - insecurities and old fears rearing their never-ending ugly heads like hydra and reminding Barney, of all the reasons he’s unlovable and doomed to <strike>live</strike> die alone.

“I’m saying I don’t want to be friends anymore.” Ted had stated, coldly and matter of fact.

Barney’s usual trick of _‘being awesome instead of staying sad’_ isn’t working this time, as Ted’s parting words kept replaying in mind, echoing with a finality of a coffin plank that has been nailed shut and lowered into a hallowed ground to be buried.

_ ‘Avoiding Ted is not his forte and definitely not an option. Not when his life feels incomplete and meaningless without Ted in it. Those brown eyes have been haunting his dreams from the past seven years. He had been spellbound in McLaren’s bar, literally since the moment Barney caught Ted’s gaze across the room for the first time. Until one day, he realized that this oblivious dork had somehow become his two am thoughts; the reason Barney chose to willingly leave his bed on a bad day, dragging his ass just to see that goofy smile and overwhelming positivity that makes even the worst days bearable and worth wading through – his (personal) light at end of the tunnel. <strike>He couldn’t believe that he’d ever get to be fortunate enough to fall in love again after Matt. </strike>_

_No, he’s not going to give in, even if Ted has made it perfectly clear that he wants nothing to do with Barney anymore. He just has to be his annoyingly persistent self and perhaps then Ted will eventually forgive him…he has to, the alternative is too painful to even reflect. Because…, it turns out this goofy, big-hearted, dumb idiot is his lobster. Yeah, Theodore Evelyn Mosby is Barney’s lobster. _

_Being sincere has not favored him in the past and therefore Barney will not be going down that path again, neither is revealing facts of his real feelings for Ted an option.'_

Barney knows that Ted and his gang are not even remotely homophobic: living in NYC, they have had several friends including Barney’s older brother who are a part of the LGBT community. Not to mention, their gang’s frequent support and celebrations of pride events had never left any room for doubt regarding his friends’ alliance. No, the reason Barney never divulged his own pansexual status to them is: it honestly never came up during early days of their acquaintanceship when he was still figuring them out, and later it felt a bit too late to reveal it. He didn’t want any of them to get offended for taking so long to come out to them and by then, Barney had already created a womanizer image which they totally bought – _hook, line, and sinker_…yeah, so he just never said anything and only flirted with women in their company.

Barney soon realized he was barking at the wrong tree due to Ted’s obliviousness, when he first hit on that guy during their first meeting with no response. Later when Ted still failed to connect his persistence at becoming _‘friends’_ and Barney’s near constant demands to hang out as flirting, he’d backed off.

The fact that even now neither Ted nor his friends (new to New York as they were then) had no clue that Barney initially tried to pick up Ted, answers all his questions as to what to expect if he ever plans to go down that route. People experiment in college all the time, Barney is aware of that through personal experience, but from all those charming stories the naive trio spoke of, it’s clear cut that with an exception of special sandwiches, these small town natives are pretty much vanilla and inexperienced in the (sexual) ways of the world.

_'Pity that! Ted Mosby is obviously straight as an arrow (Barney occasionally harbors doubts about this but it could just be wishful thinking on his part) and has never even been slightly bi-curious as the evidence points out. Better to remain as (best) friends with the nerd than to wreck it all by revealing that Barney is a pansexual who’s hopelessly in love with Ted, his best friend since the past six years. Gee, no thanks. _

_Ted needs to know just how much he means to Barney but like in a platonic way so that he won’t creep out the Ohio native (sorry, Ted’s parents live in Ohio – Ted, however, lives in the moment or so he insists). Barney will continue playing the role of an immature attention-seeker casually dropping hints of reasons he’s awesome (not really), so that Ted and their gang can have a laugh at Barney’s expense but end up feeling sympathetic or even plain old exasperation and had to give in, just to get him to stop. As far as plans go, this one is pretty shitty and over-used, but it will have to do. _

_He cannot standby and do nothing while Ted moves on with his life and forgets all about Barney and their phenomenal bromance. He will fight, tooth and nail to win back Ted’s trust and friendship. Starting tomorrow, Barney will implement his plan of attack. Actually, it’s best to give the sentimental architect a day or two to cool down…. yeah, that way Ted’s likely to listen and will perchance pick his calls.’ _

Barney lets out a weary sigh and tries to sleep just as dawn breaks out, ending this disastrous day, and slowly chasing away the pseudo darkness across an ever-eventful big apple. He closes his tired eyes, diving back into memories of simpler times when Ted didn’t hate his guts and god, that radiant smile Ted constantly wore around Barney when Ted’s merely pleased and content with life at that moment – Barney could live off that smile and to think, he might never see it aimed at him again…it just about kills him.

**#!@!# **

Barney lets an entire week go by before he drops Ted a casual _‘What’s up?’_ text during mid-day on the eighth day. It was hard to hold back from calling and messaging Theodore, the very next day to beg forgiveness but Barney manages simply by reminding himself of the bigger picture.

He waits, and waits for a response from Ted but to no avail. Barney was positive that his laid-back text after a week of indifference was bound to rile the sensitive architect into responding back, aggressively at least. Huh, Theodore _‘I can never hold a grudge’_ Mosby must be serious enough to change his own personal stances if he wouldn’t even reply to say _‘fuck off Barney’_.

He instantaneously settles on a challenge to get Ted to return either his calls or texts even if it’s just to scream at him. After four other messages and two panicked dials go unanswered, Barney gives up torturing himself for the day. He persists in his attempts at engaging Ted’s attention in the following days though, with increasing desperation and yet Ted remains unmoved. Barney gives in and calls Robin who tentatively confirms his worst nightmare: Ted’s pretty happy without him and is absolutely refusing to discuss Barney or their fight with anyone else.

It seems, Lily privately confided to Robin while neither she nor her husband share Ted views when it comes to Barney and his friendship, it would still be better for the time being if none of them are seen in Barney’s company until his fight with Ted is resolved. Because they’re worried Ted will consider it as another betrayal and right now, their intention is put out the wildfire between Ted and Barney, not add to it – so, Lily and Marshall have resolved to stick with Ted’s rules and staying away from Barney until Ted says otherwise.

Honestly, Barney appreciates it…Lily and Marshall’s loyalty to Ted, as well as Robin’s honesty with him… all of it, he really does – but that doesn’t stop him from feeling like chucked out trash. Of course, Barney is dispensable…Christ! How many times does Barney need to hear the same freaking thing before he finally gets it through his thick head? Apparently, one more time – his stupid heart perseveres in informing and as a creature of bad habits, Barney allows that stupid, dumb organ to rule his head instead of vice-versa.

Through it all, Barney battles with an insane need to see and contact Matthew again, nourished by his recent schmaltz from all the pining and loneliness. It doesn’t help that he keeps hearing from Robin and Lily about Ted bringing Stella Zinman to their haunts for socializing a bunch of times, and how the skin doctor passed their _‘girlfriend tests’_ with flying colors.

Though, he makes an effort to abstain himself, Barney succumbs to old coping methods around day 9 and hooks up with a guy (after a long time) from one of the popular nightclubs in Brooklyn. He repeats the same pattern few days later with another male model in Queens, topped off with regret and self-loathing at himself. Barney resolves afterwards, to limit his sleeping around only for dealing with dire situations read extreme depression and, or when his self-harm mode has been activated with self-loathing levels set at its highest; again, not really a hardship considering the type of thoughts constantly running in his head, these days.

_‘Why do people always leave, even when he is on his best possible behavior with them? What is it about him, inspiring such abhorrence that everyone, inevitably choose to ignore his very existence and walk out on him? Is he really that repulsive and insufferable…?’ _

It’s certainly not a huge leap for Barney to take: from brooding darkly one minute, to speculate in a detached tone about the merits of taking his own life, in the next second.

_‘It always him, isn’t it? The root cause of all evil – devil incarnate, who exists only to bring despair and destruction in the lives of family and friends, alike. If he’s no longer around, then all their problems will be solved. It’s not as if he will be missed. He doubts his friends would even notice if he were to disappear off the face of earth tomorrow... Wow, maybe he should do that and save everyone the trouble of having to interact and put up with him. _

_Yeah, he could simply drive off a cliff somewhere, making it look like an accident or any substance abuse would do the trick too. More believable too with his fake reputation, in fact. Or else, there’s always the shady business his current employer is involved in, or even his real line of work where one mistake can easily cost his life and no one would even know…’ _

He, thank heavens, does not follow up that line of thinking with actions, not anymore. For a guy, living with clinical depression and is occasionally suicidal, Barney had come a long way, by learning to love and accept himself as he is. At least, he does like what he turned out to be on most days, well, the good days for sure. It has not been an easy road, and Barney still has several thousand miles to go before a safe house can even be reached. But he made the executive decision to keep going and not abandon the path despite major pitfalls, and he's truly proud of that!

Barney learnt through practice and couple of mandatory therapy sessions, to ignore the awful, nagging voice in the back of his head when it’s listing out all the reasons as to why he should give up and quit the show. It doesn’t make the bad days any better for Barney, just a little bearable and a whole lot more survivable in the end.

Still, disregarding doesn’t always mean Barney does not believe everything his low self-esteem and inner monster throws at him. Quite contrary, he dutifully takes heed of every last word referred by his conscience to heart. While his self-worth remains at an all time low, Barney somehow keeps externally, succeeding in faking the opposite through his brilliant acting and improvisation skills.

The noticeable dark circles under his eyes, draws some concern from the few, pleasant acquaintances at his office, Barney would dare consider as friends. He brushes their worried comments with customary alibis of important international meetings with various company heads.

Barney holds a significantly high position dealing with Top management at GNB that they believe his excuses easily, and it’s not like he’s lying exactly; Barney does have to frequently attend boring meetings and travel a lot for work. Albeit, not right now and his so called '_office friends'_ doesn’t need to know that.

Barney has trouble falling asleep. He ends up being constantly plagued with familiar nightmares yet again (not like they ever stopped – just on a break) that it makes Barney dread the very act of closing his eyes for couple of minutes straight, well not really straight. _Mental high-five_.

The nightmares always follow a similar pattern: Barney’s happy for once, in a healthy and loving relationship, running some mundane errands with his partner when things start going spit-shaped; and depending upon the intensity of horrors – they range from Barney getting publicly humiliated and abandoned (yet again), to people he care about getting fatally hurt as a result of his (stupid) actions. Barney’s the reason (of course), a catalyst and responsible for his friends and loved ones suffering all bad things in life. There is when Barney has trouble distinguishing real life from dreams...

Here’s the worst part though: the person getting hurt is never the same, although the message itself essentially remains unchanged. Sometimes, it’s everyone Barney cares about getting killed in gruesome ways and other times, it’s either Matthew or Theodore (the two persons he whole-heartedly loved) taking their last breath, and complaining that if only they’d never met Barney then this dire fate wouldn’t have befallen them. And… they are right. It is impossible not to agree with that notion which frightens him the most.

This line of thought making its way into his wakeful hours, torturing him with _‘what if’_ scenarios where Barney was never a part of either Matt or Ted’s lives and if they wouldn’t be better off without ever knowing him. It is in these moments that Barney hates himself the most, being at his weakest and vulnerable state; he couldn’t regret knowing either one of them despite the agony he suffered. Barney would gladly go through it all again, to have even a small part of them in his life.

It’s been a while since Matt cameoed in his late-night horror show: _a_ _series of unfortunate events in Barney’s life - their consequences and possible outcomes_. But ever since Barney fell down that rabbit hole and accidentally thought of his ex-boyfriend while lamenting his latest screw up with Ted; the LA native and his memories resumed recurring in every wakeful and unconscious moments of Barney’s life.

_Matt’s a splinter in his heart, a perpetual pain Barney’s gotten used to carrying around which, even after all these years, still exists as a dull wound, refusing to fade away despite the age old saying – time heals all wounds. Not this one, anyway. To be honest, Barney’s not sure if he even wants the Matthew sized hole in his heart to ever fully heal. It could be nostalgia or simply the recent nightmares weighing heavily on mind, but Barney is frequently bombarded with bouts of yearning for his ex-lover once again. _

It’s actually a toss between Matt Kingsley or Ted Mosby, who's occupying Barney’s thoughts most these days. On one hand, he had been in a serious, years’ long relationship with Matthew before it came to an unexpected and deadly end. On the other side, Barney has been best friends with Ted for several years and in love with him for more than half of them until Barney ruined it too. He couldn’t help re-analyzing what went wrong with him and Matt, hoping it would offer a solution to avoid going the same route, should Ted ever chose to forgive him. In addition, Barney found it difficult not to worry about Ted, and how he’s faring after Barney’s betrayal. Maybe Ted’s living life to the fullest, with his best friends and girlfriend – truly enjoying a Barney free existence.

In his darkest hours, Barney couldn’t help comparing Ted with Matt and find Ted somewhat lacking. Matthew is unapologetically himself at all times, never pretending to be someone he’s not, a trait Barney had simultaneously loved and envied him for, even when Matt’s being a total asshole. Ted could be a real jerk sometimes, though he seldom accepts it. At least, Matthew agrees that he’s a dick and made peace with the fact he’s fallible. Not to mention Theodore’s rare cruel streak, when applied can take both his intended victim and everyone else aback, by his sheer fucking viciousness; because they believe Ted to be this perpetually, sweet and sensitive guy, incapable of malice from the way Ted Mosby usually behaves – not that Barney is put off by it. No, exact opposite and that’s the real problem here.

With Matt, Barney never felt like he’s aiming for the skies and coming up short; whereas with Ted, Barney is always regarding himself as the stupid phoenix desperately in love with the damn sun, and burning himself trying to get too close to the object of his affection but repeating it anyway.

It also worried him whether or not it’s a coincidence on his part that both Matt and Ted share a lot of similarities, ranging from their physically appearance to some personality traits, as well as few hobbies.

Matthew as well as Ted are bit of dorks, with dark hair, enchanting brown eyes and an unhealthy love for literature and science fiction shows. Ted is a die-hard star wars fanatic while Matt happens to be a star trek geek.

He doesn't discriminate between trek and though. Barney's fan enough to happily splurge on a stroomtrooper's costume -displayed proudly in his living room, as he is with his purchase of starfleet's gold, command uniform - stored more discreetly in a locked closet. He remembers, fondly of the times he and Matt role-played as Kirk and Spock, respectively in their bedroom. _Fun_ _times!_

The two of them are passionate, amazingly smart, loyal and romantic souls who can often make you feel like you're floating on cloud nine when they shower you with their <strike>affection</strike> undivided attention. Unfortunately, the opposite holds true too.

It could be that he’s over-thinking this for nothing and conceivably, Barney simply has a type or is just doomed to die alone. The latter becoming more probable by the day.

Few weeks down the line and sleep still continues to be a thing of the past for Barney. He never had a peaceful full-night sleep to begin with but this is beginning to set some kind of new record even for him. If he’s lucky, Barney is able to snatch few hours of uninterrupted sleep every couple of days.

He has taken to visiting beauty parlors more often and getting regular facial treatments done to avoid the sunken, death look he’s been sporting. Make-up can only get him by for so long before people start noticing.

During a moment of weakness, he ends up following that insane desire and stalks Matt online, stopping short of dropping him a message. Still, Barney memorizes details from facebook page of one Matthew Kingsley, matching <strike>his</strike> Matt’s picture and saves his phone number. He’s not going to call him…no, that door has been well and truly locked... That doesn’t stop him from checking Matt’s posts, blog and twitter every now and then.

Talking with Lily on the phone helps Barney in keeping a check on his depressed thoughts from spiraling into self-destructive mode. Being one of Ted’s oldest friends, Lily holds a unique perspective that is advantageous to Barney in this regrettable situation; she encourages him to appeal to Ted’s good sense as it’s highly likely to evict a positive reaction…maybe, or even low-key smugness surely ...but still something, from an otherwise close-lipped Ted.

_Yes!_ Barney knows that Ted needs reaffirmation that he is important to Barney and he’s going to deliver big time. There is no such thing as snooping low when it comes to the matters of heart, and Barney has never been one to shy away from a challenge. Of course, this is no guarantee that Ted will forgive Barney or even take back his previous order of banning him but that’s exactly what Barney’s planning on changing, and having seconds thoughts will only hinder his performance. So, he opts to shove those nasty doubts to a dark recess in his mind and focus on winning Ted’s friendship back.

In between his daily calls and vague messages on weather and sport updates to Ted that are still being ignored; Barney calls another person for help who also happens to be a best authority on Ted: his mother, Virginia Mosby. Now, Virginia knows for a fact that Barney is in love with Ted. She apparently had him figured out pretty soon (5 freaking minutes) after meeting and conversing with him. The good news is that Barney finally has someone who knows about his feelings for Ted, and with whom he could occasionally discuss said frustrating feelings without any pretense of platonic affection as cover. The bad news is not only does Virginia approve of Barney, she also frequently nudges him to confess to Ted (Barney is quoting here) the depth of his love and kept offering to help him in wooing her son. Yeah, so calling Ted’s mother and shamelessly asking for her help in placating her kid, after refusing her aid several times is mortifying to say the least.

Nevertheless, Virginia hears him out with just the right amount of sympathy and concern, that Barney didn’t fear he was being pitied or laughed at behind his back. He calls her again when he still receives Ted’s voicemail after Virginia promised to speak on his behalf. When Ted appears to be unmoved by his mother’s advise to forgive him, Barney graciously withdraws his request for Virginia’s interference as clearly it’s not working as expected. The last thing Barney wants to do was to corner Ted and make him take on an offensive stance, like he did with Matthew.

This is the hard thing about fighting in <strike>relationships</strike> friendships: there’s no referee to issue penalty to the guilty party. There’s no one to tell you which comments are below the belt; as a result, someone usually gets hurt, which in this case turns out to be Ted. So yeah, Barney is gonna suck it up and give Ted as much space as he wants to deal with it. But not too much space, he doesn’t want Ted to move on from him (as a friend), after all.

Another two weeks go by, when Ted finally answers his phone call. Shocked that his call actually got picked up, and distressed that Ted probably, only answered it to impose additional bans on him, Barney blurts out the first thing that comes to his mind.

“Ted, I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls.”

He internally winces at the unintentional, although probably subconscious, dig. Ted seems to have picked upon it too. He retaliates in kind, stating how needy Barney was these past few weeks. And it stings; it really does, to hear Ted bluntly summarize several weeks’ worth of agony Barney suffered, as if it’s nothing.

Barney clenches his fists painfully, nails leaving half-formed crescent marks behind, responding in a faux solemn tone of false promises that he should seriously consider following for his own sanity. Still, he couldn’t resist pushing his luck one more time and tacks on an inane query, just to keep the conversation going.

“-Ted are you crying?”

Ted doesn’t take his bait, replying in stanch tones and hangs up with a chilling note of déjà vu that still lingers longer after the call long ended.

“Goodbye, Barney.”

Ted implied the same, when he exited the limo on the night of his thirtieth birthday. That’s twice now Barney had to hear Ted proclaim his desire for a Barney free existence. He shudders at the possibility of this repeating a third time, knowing full well the danger of it sticking and becoming a final goodbye is real.

He is a fool for trying instead of quitting early on. Barney should’ve known by now of the major theme in his life- they do come, but never stay. First his father and then the rest…

He resolves to stop bugging Ted, or at least directly which includes no longer calling and texting him. Barney could do it…Hell, he survived the break up from hell with Matt, he could easily endure a life without Ted in it. Sure, it only took him around eight fucking years to be stable again after Mathew left until Barney inevitably lost the very person who made his life bearable again. He sure hopes it’d work this time.

Yeah, he can’t wait to see how he will bounce back from this disaster. This time around though, Barney vows not to repeat an earlier error which means no longer running away from his problems but confronting them. Granted, Ted wants nothing to do with Barney – the architect only insulated it a few hundred times now. However, Barney try as he might, cannot walk away without doing everything in his power to convince Ted into giving him another chance. And right now, the best thing he could do is give Ted more time and space to cool his heels. So, that’s what Barney’s going to do irrespective of his feelings on this subject.

**#!@!# **

Barney’s in-between meetings, seated in his spacious office using this free time to brainstorm for another solution that gets Ted to forgive him faster since the previous ones had failed spectacularly.

He is also doing his damn best, not to focus on Matthew’s recent plans, of remaining in New York for the next few weeks as part of a business trip, which Barney had learnt from religiously stalking his social media accounts. The concept of accidentally running into Matt while he’s in the city is a very tempting one, yup, although Barney’s still unprepared for that to happen, and even undergoes a mild panic attack, taking into account such a possibility. Not that it stops him from intermittently scrolling through the contacts in his phone to settle on Matthew’s new number (that he confirmed through some mutual friends), deliberating whether to ring Matt or not.

He is fidgeting with expensive stationary stuck on his ongoing Matt dilemma when Randy Wharmpess, one of the office assistants knocks on his door to deliver his new skymall purchase. Barney expects the guy to leave soon after delivering his parcel but Wharmpess lingers on, obviously working up courage to ask Barney something.

After some helpful nudging from Barney’s side which includes raising his eyebrow in critique, Wharmpess blurts out. “So, uh…word around the blogosphere is that you’re looking for a new wingman. I want to let you know I am available.”

To say that Barney is shocked would be putting it mildly. He has no idea that Randy Wharmpess was following his blog, meant to back his false persona, so closely and was taking his crazy ramblings to heart. True, Barney had written that shit about searching for a new wingman few days back when he's still being delusionally optimistic; that post was created purely in the hopes that either Ted or Marshall were following him online and will pick up his subtle message that Barney’s missing his best friend terribly and wants him back ASAP.

He doesn’t beat about the bush while letting Wharmpess down but he does think this is a brilliant way to get Ted’s attention again.

“No offense, Randy, but there’s a long list of candidates for this slot. This slot is Vice President of Awesome, and you’re like, Assistant undersecretary of only Okay.”

Wharmpess, to his credit, handles Barney’s rejection pretty well and later when Barney couldn’t find anyone to be his wingman for the night, after calls to both Marshall and Robin fail to grasp Ted’s interest even slightly; in a fit of pique, he calls Randy back and has to watch the kid’s awkward victory dance at being accepted for the post of Barney’s new wingman.

He briefly even considers aborting this_ ‘new wingman’_ mission to call on Matthew, still in NYC, with a request to catch up but doesn’t go through with it in the end.

His plan was to make Ted jealous but if Barney did ever manage to grow a spine and call Matt, if his former boyfriend did agree to meet him at MacLaren’s and if Ted miraculously chooses to be there too, taking hint from Barney's calls to their friends about wanting a new wingman, and this is all a huge IF it happens…, Barney’s not sure, he will be able to follow through with this plan at all.

For starters, this is Matthew – the first person he truly fell in love with. Barney acknowledges the fact that a part of him will always love Matt, and continue to have a soft corner for the guy, who could easily pass off as a young Spock. If Matt ever concedes to a rendezvous with him after all these years, Barney wouldn’t want to taint it with an ulterior motive…Fuck, he has serious doubts about even following through such a complicated plan, too distracted by Matthew’s enthralling presence. Furthermore, the very thought of Ted and Matt in the same room, let alone interacting with each other has him sweating balls.

Barney belatedly wonders why he’s still going through with this farce, when it’s clear Ted doesn’t care if he is willing to cruise in McLaren’s with another wingman instead of him; since Ted did not drop by the pub below his apartment building to check upon Barney and his new bro. Particularly, since it is obvious from the start Randy’s going to be a handful. Although, that’s the only reason why he is going through with it in the end. Because Barney wants a break from the interminable strategies he just couldn’t keep from thinking about: to stop himself from getting buried in a grave of his own making.

Getting Randy laid turns out to be a bigger hurdle than Barney originally thinks, albeit it proves to be a good obstruction from his perilous thoughts. The poor dude couldn’t string together a proper sentence or you know, stay conscious while in a woman’s company, so expecting him to flirt and use witty pick up lines on the gorgeous women Barney tries to set him up with is just, straight out impossible.

He takes failure of this new mission _‘Get Randy Laid’_ a little too hard, and comes up with an amazing resolution, to use his awesome friend Robin’s help in overcoming Randy’s issues with approaching women.

A part of him was nervous whether Robin would accept his invitation to hang out while another, a meaner part wants to test her alliance, to check whether she genuinely cares about him (if she ever did, an ugly voice insists) or not. He waits in trepidation to find out. If Robin obliges his request and stops by at MacLaren’s, Barney knows he has a friend who could still be relied on, if not…well, it’s nothing new for him anyway.

He chickens out at the last minute and sends out a believable blackmail text to Robin, which should definitely ensure her visit to MacLaren’s. Barney is keenly aware of the irony in this situation, should his bluff end up being the last straw that terminates his camaraderie with Robin too; which Barney only resorted to, as a result of him not wanting to learn of Robin’s true inclinations when it comes to their friendship. _Fuck his life._

“Because you threatened to put a video of us on the internet, which I’m still not convinced you have.”

Robin’s subsequent response to Barney’s praise at introducing her to Randy, however, puts a brief end to his ceaseless fears. Brief, because Barney knows his anxiety-ridden-self best, and is aware that any kind of assurances his mind deems worthy, in particular from others, is at best fleeting.

Nevertheless, he is engulfed in emotions of gratitude, bliss and a fierce sort of honor to hear Robin proclaim her allegiance in her own insouciant way without coming across as a sap.

“Right, which is why you came all the way from Brooklyn at midnight.” Barney quips breezily.

He smiles warmly at her, letting Robin know that he picked upon the subtext and is delighted by its message. Robin grins, returning his sentiments, nonverbally and just like that they’re back to their previous dynamic, afore the fiasco of night _‘no one’s mentioning ever again’_.

Few appalling attempts later featuring Randy hemorrhaging like a leaky faucet, and generally shooting himself in the foot with his inappropriate and sometimes down straight creepy pickup lines, Barney and Robin are at their wits end.

“Okay. Okay, new plan. We wrap his face in gauze, so he can’t bleed or talk. You are the woman…” He says, struggling to come up with a remedy that actually works while Randy’s over in the washroom getting cleaned up, for the umpteenth time.

Robin interrupts him in a no-nonsense tone. “Barney, why are you so desperate to have this to happen?”

He could tell from her intonation, they are moving into dangerous waters and gives a vague reply, praying it would dissuade Robin from pressing further. “I’m a wingman, that’s what wingman do.”

Robin frowns, palpably dissatisfied with his reply. Barney meets her gaze head-on, pretending to be uncharacteristically thick and he can tell the exact moment Robin gets tired of his bullshit.

She rolls her eyes and begins in a careful cadence usually adapted by teachers when addressing a particularly difficult child. “Is it possible that you’re trying to fill the void of losing Ted by rushing into another new _wingman_ relationship?”

_ ‘_ _No. N__o, there’s no way that Robin knows. She’s merely throwing darts in the dark, trying to get him to either confirm or deny it. But…the way Robin phrased the question, she has to know. God, was he that obvious about his feelings for Ted? Christ! Robin has only been a part of their gang since close to two years now, if she was able to figure him out then who else is in the know…? Fuck! Does everyone know except Ted? Or worse, does Ted know too but has been pretending otherwise to spare his feelings?_

_No, if Ted has any knowledge that Barney’s besotted with him, then Ted would have found a way to let him down. Or he would have figured it out from Ted acting weird around him. Come to think of it, Marshall too would freak out or at least behave out of character along with Ted if they knew. So, chances are high they are still ignorant to his plight. That leaves Lily and Robin; the former would approach him directly as is her style and the latter…well, she seems to be initiating that confrontation now, if he’s not mistaken.’ _

Barney pinches the bridge of his nose, entire body tense and bracing himself. “What are you saying?”

He has his eyes closed, yet Barney clearly hears when Robin exhales softly. “I’m saying that Randy is your rebound bro. You are using him, or at least trying to, as a means to distract yourself from Ted and obviously it’s not working well.”

_ ‘Ah, she’s stalling. Okay, that’s how they’re playing it then. Fine. If Robin’s not going to come out and say it, then he is more than happy to stay in the closet where his friends are concerned.’ _

“No. That’s crazy. What Randy and I have is real.” Barney protests, half-heartedly. Robin purses her lips, eyeing him intensely.

“No, it’s not, Barney. And even if you got Randy laid tonight, would it feel anywhere near as meaningful as when you got Ted laid?”

Barney has to forcibly blink back tears that are now threatening to escape, at the image of a content Ted smiling, after Barney managed to get him laid; even if it nearly killed him to see Ted leaving with a girl, who could potentially end up as Mrs. Mosby. God, the very thought that he would never get to witness a jubilant Ted irrespective of the cause is enough to suffocate Barney.

He chokes out, taking care not to spill his hurting heart, mindful of Robin’s watchful gaze. “He was just so happy the next morning, you know?”

Robin sympathetically nods at him. “I know.”

Randy returns at that precise moment from the restroom, putting an end to their private discussion. Robin and Barney, instantly jump into training (or rather try to) Randy on social skills, to approach the dating game like everyone else in NYC. There’s no further mention of their mutual friend for quite some time.

In the wake of victoriously getting Randy to leave with a chick, after learning and using the fact Randy was in the police force for a short while to their advantage, Barney couldn’t help his satisfied exclamation, after swallowing the last of drink in his glass and setting it down on their table.

“I am the greatest wingman of all time.”

They’d moved back to sit at their usual booth. Robin leans back, a while later, assessing him carefully. “Ted doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

Barney jerks back at the metaphorical slap to his face. He swallows through the sudden lump in his throat, and dejectedly stutters, no longer trying to hide the pain in his voice.

“You had to mention Ted, didn’t you?”

He also has to remind his low self-esteem that Robin means well, and not as a sarcastic remark like he’s prone to think, if it’s anyone else expressing those words. Barney was grateful Robin here with him; knows well that she could have spent this time doing better things than helping a geek finally get some action just because Barney asked. But that doesn’t mean he wants to be upfront about his unrequited feelings for Ted with Robin, who also happens to be Ted’s ex-girlfriend.

_Yeah, cannot forget that tidbit of information! _

Robin looks conflicted for a hot second, playing with her empty glass in a nervous fashion and eyes darting everywhere but in his general direction. Barney raises his blond eyebrows higher; studying her body language and gains few precious moments to be composed before Robin follows through with her sudden resolve to accost him.

He steels himself, and deliberately tacks on a poker face while waiting for Robin to speak up.

“I-err… are you…umm,” Robin stops and takes a deep breath. “Barney, I know that you are in love with Ted. I suspected that you had a crush on Ted or something at first, but watching you mope around tonight, combined with the way you sounded the last few weeks finally drove home just how badly you’ve got it for Ted.”

Robin places her hand on his wrist and squeezes gently. Barney jerkily sighs, hunching his shoulders slightly and curls inwards a bit.

“It’s alright, Barney. I’m not judging you…Canadian, remember?”

That propels an unexpected chuckle from him. He squeezes Robin’s hand back and lifts his head to catch her concerned stare, relief slowly pooling in his stomach at her gentle words and compassion.

_‘She really means it…about not judging him.’ _

“Thanks Robin.” He whispers softly. “Does…?”

He couldn’t bring himself to finish the question, on the fence whether he wants to know or not. Fortunately, Robin understands without him needing to elaborate any further.

She shakes her head.

“No. Ted definitely has no idea; you know how oblivious he is right. As for Lily, I’m pretty sure she has no clue either. Granted, she did mention offhandedly to me once or twice, about how you and Ted would make a perfect couple since you guys are well matched... Oh, and I’d bet my brand new Jimmy Choos that none of the gang even considered you to be anything but straight, so yeah…you have nothing to worry about. Although, Barney, you should know it doesn’t change anything even if they learn that you like guys sometimes…”

He huffs out a laugh at that. “I’m not worried about that, Robin. They have met and hung out with my brother, James who only plays for his home-team, so I know for sure they’re not a homophobic bunch and also it’s not like I’m ashamed of being a pansexual or anything...”

Barney sighs, dragging his hands through his hair in quiet frustration. Robin is a good listener, sympathetic and encouraging at the same time, and before he knows it, Barney is blabbing his worries away. She listens patiently, occasionally frowning and, biting her lip in contemplation but doesn’t interrupt as he talks his heart out.

The choking sensation eases a little by the time he’s done, however, Barney’s still trembling a little – probably from the adrenaline crash.

“…I know it’s out of question. Ted is straight and wants to settle down and have a family; I’ve always known that I don’t have a chance with him, Robin. Hell, even if Ted decides to date guys out of the blue tomorrow, I wouldn’t be his first or last choice but I still rather stay his friend than a stranger, y’know. Most of all, if we have to part ways then I don’t want it to be like this…this is all my damn fault, true but not like this.”

Barney groans. “I always ruin everything.”

Robin immediately scowls, and tells him sharply. “No, Barney, that’s not true and don’t you beat yourself up about it. If Ted cannot see what’s right in front of him, then it’s his loss. I’m truly sorry for my role in driving a wedge between you guys and I wish, Ted would just let this go, but it doesn’t seem like that will be happening any time soon. We’ve tried talking to Ted but gosh, he could be a stubborn idiot at times.

“Having been there, I get why you fell for Ted…but Barney, you can’t keep tormenting yourself like this. You need to face the probability that Ted might never be over this... I don’t believe in giving false hopes, which is why I’m going to be blunt about this. I owe you, Barney, for being there for me at my lowest and helping me get it together. I want you to be prepared just in case...”

And with that Robin drops the final bomb on him. From what she reveals and what Barney knows of Ted, things must be rapidly progressing into serious category for Ted and Stella. Hardcore Romantic or not, the fact that Ted’s okay with Stella withholding sex this long into their relationship speaks volumes. He had heard from Lily that Stella integrated perfectly into their gang, and knows how much it means to Ted that his girlfriend is accepted by his friends. Now that they both are planning on taking their relationship to the next level, Barney knows beyond doubt that Stella’s here to stay, for a long-long time…maybe, permanently too.

He blanches at this realization and has to clench his hands to stop them from visibly shaking. Robin is thoroughly apologetic but he brushes away her apologies, and thanks her for being honest with him. Barney needed to hear it. He tells her that, mentioning how this should spur him into finally moving on from Ted.

Robin looks rather dubious when he says that, obviously she does know him better.

_Huh_.

Still, what Robin doesn’t know of Barney, could fill an entire book series and be launched into a successful movie series spanning a cinematic universe. '_Everyone loves a tragic hero with daddy issues, and a traumatized past, who has trouble settling down due to a complicated love life.' _He laughs bitterly at that thought, ignoring an intense ache in his heart and the nausea it invokes.

**#!@!# **

During late hours of that night, inside his empty apartment and without protection of usual shields, Barney, at long last reevaluates his decisions from the last few years that had so far been refused to deal with. He is aware of the shit-ton of issues, he’s been carrying around since childhood and for the first time, is incredibly terrified of what his life has become and of the future in store for him. Sheen of sweat pools on his forehead, despite cool temperature indoors and a tingling sensation begins to creep up in his hands.

He is rapidly losing control, descending into chaos and getting lost inside his scary mind, full of repressed memories; his usual deflection tactics keep evading him. A rational voice in his head whispers that Barney’s in shock and once it wears away, he will be back to his carefree, awesome self in no time. But, right now he’s struggling to breathe, trembling from the pressure to stay in the present and not be sucked by all the regrets in his past.

He feels jittery, unstable and also, driven like he should be doing something, anything. No, he needs to hang on until this, dizziness, passes. _Just stay put, and not do anything stupid._ It takes Barney an embarrassingly long time, to realize he’s suffering both an anxiety and a panic attack at the same time, which is ironic since he should have been an expert at spotting them by now.

He closes his eyes and tries to breathe in and out slowly, when that doesn’t work, he tries the next alternative: picturing his happy place, which also proves to be a difficult task tonight. He finally gives up when trying to concentrate starts grating on his already frayed nerves and a drawn out shudder ripped through him.

Barney stumbles away from the bed, succumbing to the itch and paces around his bedroom, restlessly until his gaze falls upon the laptop on top a table in the corner. Without a conscious decision, he’s picking the laptop and settles down on the bed again, to browse the net. Perhaps, this will help to quell his agitation a little.

He is randomly navigating through blogs, news articles, funny videos from You Tube, and even hits past entries from his Google history, hoping for something to catch hook his attention, when Barney clicks entirely on accident, a page he had bookmarked during his weaker moments.

The blog of ‘_Matthew Kingsley’_ opens up and Barney can clearly see a post that Matt updated an hour ago; containing his gorgeous snapshot (clearly) taken by someone else, the exact timing or location of this shot unknown. Matthew's clad in a navy jumper and plaid shirt in blue tones, soft dark hair artfully styled and with a sexy two days old stubble, teasing a coy smile at the camera. It is however, captioned – _‘I don’t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.’ _

Naturally, Barney assumes this must be taken in or around a coffee shop, which yeah, knowing Matt should've been obvious from the start!

His heart skips a beat, as Barney takes in the stunning features of Matt, obviously happy and in his element, coffee addict that he is. God, but that cheeky caption brings back a ton of memories from their time together, and Barney is at once assaulted by an intense longing to regain that sense of belonging and ease back that he had felt in Matt’s company, to love and be loved in return.

A quick online search confirms, Matt is still single (if his twitter and blog is to be believed). He could almost imagine Ted’s voice passionately whispering in his ear about destiny and second chances and how everyone deserves a fairy tale style happy ending. Oh, the irony of it. Barney could almost believe the insane reasoning behind that kind of thinking, as hope tendrils begin to blossom in his heart…perhaps, it’s not too late for him.

As he beheld Matthew’s crinkling brown eyes and the beginnings of his mischievous grin, a burst of inspiration hits, making Barney question, _‘Why not?’_

Before he could get cold feet, Barney immediately sends Matthew text, making sure to mention his name and to come across as vaguely flirty. There, he made the first move and now all he has to do is to wait and see if Matthew will respond.

_Fingers crossed, Matt will be receptive to getting a coffee with him. If nothing else, Barney would be grateful to have Matt back in his life as a friend. _

Barney feels a lot better just from reaching out to Matt, the sense of foreboding gradually subsiding, and he takes it as a good sign. Tomorrow, suddenly feels full of possibilities and a little brighter for it.

** ~$@#!@!#@$~**

* * *

It’s been six days, 8 hours and a couple of minutes since he exiled Barney from his life (and their group), and honestly, Ted’s not sure whether to be relieved or start climbing the walls in frustration.

There had been nothing but radio silence from Barney’s end the next day and in a longest, ensuing deafening silence of his life till date, it was quite hard for Ted to wrap his mind around the fact that he is no longer friends with that hyperactive sleezebag; Ted almost gives in to his temptation to call or text that jerk, in order to take back his hurtful words. Almost, and then Ted’s reminded of that moment back in limo when he was leaving, and how Barney didn’t do anything, hell, didn’t even object to Ted leaving him and guess, that kind of explains his importance in the older man’s life, doesn’t it?

Barney couldn’t give a damn about Ted and well, then neither does Ted…he won’t get all twisted about it when Barney could so easily drop him like an expired bottle of milk or something.

_Damn_, but it kills something in him that Barney could toss Ted and their seven years friendship so easily, like it’s nothing. Guess, it really is _‘out of sight, out of mind’_ for Barney then!

The first few hours, after Ted reaches home and makes it to his surprise birthday bash, were dwindled down spent in an alternating state of nonchalance and anger. The latter emotion won out eventually when the majority of following day passed by without any notifications or even attempts at communication from his former friend.

_‘Seriously, the gall of this guy! At any given day, Barney would be constantly harassing him via emails and calls, not to mention his frequent, unpredictable drop-ins by his <strike>room</strike> apartment at <strike>night</strike> all times, giving a whole new meaning to the word ‘clingy’ and now, nothing? Sure, Ted did say that he didn’t want to be friends with him anymore but since when did Barney start listening to other people’s requests let alone demands? _

_The only conclusion he could draw which is supported by irrefutable evidence is Barney didn’t care enough - to fight back as he typically does whenever things don’t go his way. And wasn’t that a real kicker, Barney Stinson doesn’t give a damn about him or their friendship despite his previous actions that has led Ted to believe otherwise.'_

That stings a lot more than Ted could ever acknowledge openly and it pushes him to revalue his priorities. Giving in to the odd enticements of patching up with that indifferent bastard is no longer on the table. So, is showing how much this <strike>separation</strike> fight is affecting him to his other best friends.

_'Why is he brooding and wallowing when he damn well knows Barney’s in Vegas partying, getting laid and generally having a great time? He shouldn’t concern himself with that asshole’s thoughts. He should be out living his life without that jerk’s awful interference ruining it. He has his friends and his girlfriend- Stella…whom he hadn’t slept with yet…Maybe if he did, then he will have something else occupying his mind other than the image of_ _those god-awful eyebrows scrunching up in confusion directed at him. Oh god, he is truly pathetic, he really is.’_

The eighth day brings in the first of many texts from Barney around mid-afternoon. It merely reads, _‘hey Ted, what’s up?’ _

Like nothing happened at all. Like it was just any other day, as if that jerk had no idea that Ted spent the last few days going completely crazy, alternatively with worry and anger at Barney for his (unusual) silent treatment.

There was no mention of their last conversation, no apology and absolutely no groveling to get back into Ted’s good graces. A simple, normal text message they’d exchanged countless times as though Barney didn’t commit an unthinkable act and single-handedly drove a wedge in their years’ long friendship and destroyed it.

Any overwhelming relief that Ted had felt when his cell-phone lit up with a message from Barney, vanished rapidly the longer Ted stared at the flashing screen, mentally willing it to receive further messages from that idiot.

When no more meaningful texts followed, his ire returned ten-fold and Ted gladly nourished its flames by going over every single memory of Barney embarrassing or undermining him in vicinity of their friends and hot girls, whenever Ted could sense his fury simmering down to cinders.

He experiences a curious satisfaction in not responding to any of Barney’s increasingly anxious texts and calls during the next few days. It makes him feel wanted, no, needed and that’s quite a power trip for Ted knowing that he is eliciting such solid responses from a cold-blooded and calculative player who usually preys on other’s feelings. It’s nice to be the hunter for once!

Although secretly pleased, Ted’s aware this progressively desperate cry for his attention don’t really mean anything…just a way to keep communication lines open and not a declaration of well- nothing. This means exactly nothing except that Barney doesn’t like being ignored and the ridiculous idiot typically regresses back to a kid in order to get his way. That’s all.

Barney kept sending a string of text messages ranging from inane themes to random funny facts, all carefully orchestrated to evict a reply from Ted’s apathetic side. He later starts getting calls which he doesn’t respond to, and _surprise-surprise_, the texts multiply in number overnight. Ted reads them all dutifully, waiting to see if Barney actually apologizes in any one of them. But, the slick bastard just doesn’t and…yeah, it’s all the proof Ted needs that the blue-eyed jerk isn’t least bit remorseful for his actions and doesn’t deserve a response, even to those <strike>hilarious</strike> silly texts.

Marshall and Lily, well mostly Lily tries (at first) to talk Ted into giving Barney a second chance – _for what?_ (To explain or commit another treachery?) she doesn’t exactly clarify; and Ted is in no mood to argue with her except to state he’s adamantly against it.

Marshall seems to have spoken to his wife in private and somehow convinced her to drop it because Lily doesn’t broach the topic with Ted again; at least not directly, which he wholeheartedly appreciates. Ted knows Lily and how badly it must be driving her crazy not to tackle on the role of Barney’s defense attorney and solve their complicated issues for them. _Yeaaah, not happening_. Ted makes sure Lily understands 100% that this matter between him and Barney is just that, between them both. Only Ted has the right to make a choice whether their problem is to be resolved or left untouched, and everyone else needs to accept it and watch from sidelines WITHOUT INTERFERENCE.

Robin’s telling silence on this treasonous subject and Marshall’s quiet support probably does the trick and Lily is back to being a spectator in his life, no longer trying to be his life coach. _Thank you!_ Still, she continuous to subtly drop hints about how they no longer have any tall tales to debate on or crazy stuff they’re forced to do in the name of dares, which isn’t lost on Ted. The worst thing though, Ted totally agrees with Lily. He misses it too <strike>and Barney mostly. </strike>

Barney is the reason their group has so much fun. The fun-loving blond is constantly pushing them out of their comfort zone, <strike>taking</strike> dragging them on crazy quests, and frequently getting them into hot messes but at end of the day, Barney does have their back. Well, except Ted’s, apparently. Hell, even his own mother is on the suits fanatic side and urges him to, and Ted’s quoting here: _‘stop acting like a jealous child and make up with Barney’_.

_What? Like it is that simple or easy._

Barney is likely just throwing his version of tantrum because Ted is not paying attention to him. The second Ted acknowledges him and its game over. Either Barney goes back (predictably) to his old ways or he ignores Ted until he becomes useful to the douche again.

Neither of the possibilities is acceptable to Ted anymore and hence, this current impasse.

Strangely enough, Robin’s presence (awkward as it might have been for her) doesn’t incite Ted to start a yelling match or throw his hands up in despair, like the very thought of her temporary partner-in-crime does. Ted doesn’t fully understand his reasons behind his behavior either. Still, he’s pleased none of his internal conflict or emotions is showing on his face and also, quite proud of the way his voice doesn’t waver and is resonated with indifference whenever the discussion with his close friends invariably turns into dangerous territories.

**#!@!#**

Living in New York, it’s quite impossible for Ted to avoid casually checking out hot guys from time to time. Hell, most Ted does is ogle attractive men, making sure none of his friends catch him in the act. Again, it’s not like he’s ashamed of being bi-curious or terrified that Marshall and Lily will suddenly stop being friends with Ted because he likes to make out with guys sometimes.

Ted used to visit random gay bars in Rhode Island few times in a year, never hitting the same place twice, whenever he's single and the bi-curiosity vibe got too strong to be ignored. Ted cannot really explain the reasons for hiding his real preference or even treating it as a secret from his best friends. It’s merely that he never felt the urge to do more, as in, ask a guy out or even think about getting to know them in a romantic light, unlike the way Ted usually tries with women he’s attracted to.

In fact, Barney is the first guy Ted was seriously drawn to since his own self-imposed gay sexile college days, like a dropped object helpless to its fate of gravity; Ted couldn’t help contemplating every now and then, about another universe in which his choices in partners wouldn’t be harshly judged and where Ted could actually be with someone he likes without being discriminated or harassed…Whatsoever, it’s not like having an undeniable attraction towards other guys had ever squashed Ted’s intense passion for having a family of his own.

After befriending the Casanova though, he seriously comes close to breaking all his voluntary rules against seriously playing for his home team; except for drunken hook-ups with guys, which is not feasible in this case as Barney is now his friend and making out with friends is a big _‘No’_ in his list.

_So, there’s that! _

Ted succeeds, after few initial hard months, in suffocating any lingering embers he felt in his chest whenever confronted with that devilish grin on his new friend’s face, that constant infuriating smirk which never fails to instigate a war on Ted’s senses – pulling him into the orbit of Barney’s irresistible charm and yet setting off both fire alarm and flight instincts blaring _‘Run’_ on repeat.

Afterwards, once Barney was firmly slotted into the annoying, (best) friend role on a permanent basis, well, any weird emotions that Ted entertains near and because of the older guy quietly faded into dormancy, until he only ever felt mild frustration or uncurbed platonic pleasure in Barney’s company.

** #!@!# **

Ted is hanging out as per usual at MacLaren's bar, in their booth with his friends when he receives yet another call from Barney. He can’t help but announce it, rolling his eyes as their table immediately gets enveloped in heavy silence, his friends noticing that Ted’s about to answer for the first time and waiting with a bated breath to hear how their conversation is going to pan out.

“Dude, seriously, you need to stop calling me.” Ted gets right down to the point.

True, Barney has been continuously bombarding his phone with countless texts and calls, even going as far as to call his parents to get Ted to speak with him again; and Ted admits (if only to himself) that all this attention being showered upon him feels pretty nice, and he doesn’t want it to stop just yet. Although, he's maintaining annoyance for appearance sake.

“Ted, I’m sorry I haven’t returned your calls.”

Barney sounds like his arrogant usual self, that it instantly raises Ted’s hackles up. Also, the nerve of this guy; instead of seeking pardon or trying to reason with him, Barney is acting as if their positions were reversed. Well, two can play at this game and like hell, is he backing down.

“Yeah, I never called you. You called me fifteen times and my parents twice.” Ted counters coldly.

Again, Barney doesn’t miss a beat.

“I’m sorry. I gotta let you go. There are just too many good wingmen out there. Ted are you crying?”

At this point, Ted starts to feel his cocoon of masked indifference slipping by, and an intense frustration waiting to slither in its place. Losing his cool now wouldn’t do after weeks of perfected cold shoulder treatment. Barney already has a big enough ego and does not require Ted’s additional contributions.

_No, thank you! _

“No, I’m not. Goodbye, Barney.” He hangs up, getting the last word in for once.

A beat of silence goes by, and then Lily predictably breaks the silence by approaching Ted’s taboo topic in her typical fashion.

“So, are you two back together?” Lily asks, hesitantly.

_‘Like it isn’t goddamn obvious from hearing that one-sided conversation that no, Barney still hasn’t admitted his guilt or begged forgiveness from him, so he couldn’t rant and curse a blue streak at that idiot yet, and maybe if he did then they would have <strike>kissed</strike> hugged and made up already. Really, what is Lily getting at – asking questions she clearly recognizes the answers to.’ _

“Nope.”

He emphasizes that word, hoping that would be the end of it and also realizing it’s a futile wish where his friends are concerned.

Marshall probably taking cues from his wife goes off in a (planned?) tangent. “I miss Barney. I haven’t high-fived anyone in like a week. I think I might be starting to lose my fist bump callus.”

While Ted totally empathizes with Marshall’s former point, he cannot openly admit the truth before their gang. He is oddly touched by their support and loyalty to Barney, and if the smart-Alec is here right now, he’d undoubtedly get emotional and teary-eyed at their honest response. Ted is more or less familiar with Barney’s major abandonment issues, which stemmed from a bunch of daddy issues and a whole lot of other complications (Ted doesn’t necessarily know but can imagine), that spelled his messed up childhood and early life before Barney met Ted and co.

He also understands, horrifically in an out-of-body experience kind of way, how deserting Barney and even refusing to hear him out, could mess Barney up even worse. But Ted is currently at a point of no return. Barring a major miracle or simply by an accident, he cannot even contemplate addressing Barney normally again, mainly after that exchange and Barney’s clearly indifferent attitude. Barney must have been challenging himself again, this time to piss Ted off more or merely to mess with his head one last time. That must be what those accelerated incoming text messages really meant. Cause, if they genuinely mean affection from Barney, Ted wouldn't have received an insensible acknowledgement from Barney when he finally answered the call. _Fuck_, any attachment, Ted supposedly imagined the blond Casanova to hold for him is all in his head. _Great!_

He just sips his drink and avoids looking anyone in the eye; unsure of how to respond when Robin without warning cuts in, striking to the heart of the matter.

“Let me ask you something, Ted. Why are you so much madder at Barney than me?”

_‘Yes,’_ Ted thought, _‘I too would like to know the answer to that. However, if wishes were horses, and all that…’ _

“Yeah, she had just as much sex with Barney as Barney had with her.” Lily agrees, glad at the opportunity to bring back her current favourite topic.

Ted has to grit his teeth as a weird, boiling sensation overtakes his gut, again – a Pavlovian reaction really, which he’s getting pretty accustomed to, every time a allusion is made to that _one night_, Robin and Barney spent together. Ted legitimately thought, he was done getting bothered by speculations of Barney and Robin entwined in each other’s arms and whatnot but obviously, he is wrong.

_Fuck, this is going to be a long night and there isn't enough booze in this bar to get him through it! _

“You know what? I’m not sure that’s true. And I think I’d actually prefer it if you were mad at me; this is too weird.” Robin counters to Lily’s statement, like she didn’t just take a fucking knife and stab Ted with her casual remark, and then turns around to appeal rationally to him. 

Ted didn’t have to think hard, having spent a lot of time mentally rehearsing several versions of this excuse; he has to work on making his tone sound firm and believable though instead of choking out.

“I’m not mad at anybody. I’ve forgiven you, and I’ve outgrown Barney as a friend. It’s that simple.”

Lily, by some miracle, chooses then to coyly add, interrupting Robin’s half-formed attempt to object, “I’ll tell you why he’s not mad. It’s cause he’s so happy with Stella.”

Fortunately, the _‘Stella topic’_ puts an end to their uncomfortable heart-to-heart chat, steering their gossip into a different direction much to Ted’s gratification. Lily was not wrong though. He and Stella were dating for a while now and things were going really well for them.

Well, except for one thing. Despite almost two whole months of being together, he and Stella didn’t get to third base yet. Which is not actually a big deal in most relationships, except for how that isn't the way Ted and most, normal late twenty something adults operate.

Against his better judgment, Ted brings up this bothersome fact before his friends for advice, a few days later in his apartment. He wanted to find a way to _‘seal the deal’_ so as to speak with Stella, so Ted can peacefully avoid feeling spooky things (during alone times) where his former best friend was concerned.

“You guys haven’t had sex yet? When Marshall and I were two months in, we were doing it 24/7.” Lily almost screeches, well, no almost about it.

His ears still ringing, Ted dutifully responds. “I know. I was in the top bunk. I also sat next to you guys at football games.”

Lily harrumphs. “So, what are you guys waiting for?”

Ted’s been honestly asking himself the same question. Still, he defends his latest girlfriend in face of Lily’s vaguely critical tone.

“I think she wants to make sure we’re serious first. That why she hasn’t introduced me to her daughter, either. She wants to take things slow.”

Marshall, who’s been quiet so far, pitches in. “Wait, so you haven’t had sex since, like…thanksgiving?”

_Damn_, if that doesn’t bring up a whole slew of _‘remember how, when we were first dating and couldn’t keep our hands off each other, hell, even now’_ exchange between Lily and Marshall, that Ted, super tired of shit, just couldn’t take anymore.

“Look, I’m crazy about this girl, and if waiting is what it takes, then I am fine with that. On a totally unrelated note, does anybody have any gum or ice or piece of bark they’re not chewing?” Ted rants, frustrated in more ways than one. 

It doesn't help that Barney stopped texting and calling him after Ted hung up on with a _'Goodbye, Barney'_. There were no more odd and premeditated information directed at him.

He also wondered momentarily whether Barney got hurt by his stiff dismissal but then changed his mind. Barney, isn't affected by rude remarks. Ted has witnessed the older guy get humiliated by strangers, and observed Barney shake those insults away like water off a duck's back often times, to know his scoffing words are not sufficient to warrant absolute dead air.

_Yeah_, and its back to _'Barney doesn't give a damn'_ theory and Ted just wants to give up torturing himself thinking otherwise.

With the disbelieving faces of his gang, foremost in thoughts; Ted decides to make a move while he’s waiting for Stella in her clinic, even if it were to come across as tad bit desperate. He, kind of is, at this point. If he has to face another <strike>dream</strike> nightmare of being entangled with a naked and sweating Barney, Ted is sure to go insane, provided he isn’t already! 

“Let’s have sex. Right now. I’ll lock the door.” He says, standing up and closing the translucent door.

Stella glances up from her files, startled. “Oh, there no lock on that door.”

Ted isn’t deterred though. “We can do it against the door. It’ll be hot! It’ll be like a three-way: you, me and the door.”

“Yeah, but then it’s just gonna be weird between me and the door tomorrow.” Stella retorts approaching Ted, her pink lips quirking up in silent amusement.

God, quips like these are a major reason Ted could never even get mad at Stella. Hell, she reminds him a lot of Barney, just then. Both blue-eyed blondes with a wicked sense of humor, often armed with plenty of dry wit and sarcasm to ruthlessly incapacitate their opposition.

Hmm, wonder if that’s a coincidence or Ted's paranoid brain reading too much into nothing.

He grimaces, sheepish at trying to push Stella when she’s clearly not ready. “I’m sorry. We’re waiting. It’s cool.”

“You’ve been so patient, Ted.” Stella begins.

And then proceeds to explain, why they had been stuck on the second phase of their relationship for so long. Ted feels even guiltier at urging for sex now. Here, Stella was grappling with real issues and wanting to take things slow while Ted is only worried about banishing Barney’s (naked) thoughts away from mind.

_Fuck, he’s a selfish bastard._ _<strike>No wonder Barney’s not having trouble ignoring him. </strike>_

Ted assures Stella (least he could do), who being an angel that she is, agrees to take the plunge with him. He’s a lot apprehensive though, after learning about her five year hiatus from anything sex and intimacy related.

Again, Ted discusses this troubling matter with Lily, Marshall and Robin in the privacy of their living room, requesting them to put on Yoda hats and counsel him.

None of the gang disappoints, after preliminary teasing of course, coupled with random facts that were so different from five years ago when Stella last had intercourse. They provide a compelling argument as to why expectations could go on to ruin even the best of performances, like it happened with Ted and Jerry McGuire movie to Marshall's dismay.

“With Stella, do the opposite: lower expectations.” Marshall insists.

Ted nods. “Right, right, and then no matter what happens, she’ll be happy.”

He was further debating the topic with them when Marshall’s phone shrill ring fills the room. Marshall answers with a neutral expression that immediately tips off Ted regarding the caller’s identity, even before Marshall utters his name.

“Hey, buddy. I’m married, Barney. I cannot be your wingman.”

Ted barely has a minute to process Marshall’s revelation and the pain it accompanies, that Barney was actually looking for a wingman to prowl with…Ted was being replaced, is akin to taking a sledgehammer to his chest; when Robin gets a call next, right after Marshall hangs up.

Robin doesn’t miss a beat. “No.”

She hangs up, with no extra words thrown in to either excuse or explain her answer. Lily is watching him intently but voices no observations for which Ted's quietly relieved.

He’s grateful that their gang is sticking up with him and refusing to indulge Barney’s whims, Ted really is. But nothing could salvage the wrecked remains of his heart (yes, Barney’s callous attitude is having a greater impact on him than originally imagined) upon learning that he is replaceable to Barney.

Ted doesn’t allow anyone to bring up Barney’s calls or his need for a _‘wingman’_, focusing instead of his love-life woes at the moment. Thankfully, they butt out of it with only few searching stares thrown Ted’s way every now and then.

Later, inside his room with only his depressing thoughts for company, Ted accepts that maybe he might have been nurturing a teeny, tiny crush on Barney, for quite some time. He resists wandering downstairs to MacLaren’s, not wanting to run into Barney practicing his voodoo on innocent women with a new _‘partner in crime’_ who isn’t Ted.

_Nope, not going there - literally and figuratively. _

Doesn’t matter, it’s not going to change anything. Stella is what matters now and Ted is going to try his damned best to make her believe it.

Smart and beautiful Stella, who he easily likes, catches onto his increased brooding and calls Ted out on it. She approaches this confrontation in her dead-pan, and dry wit style by first putting Ted at ease and then letting him reveal the true reason for his sour-moods.

Ted admits. “I don’t want to mess it up. I don’t want you to ever wonder if I was worth it.”

“Ted, of course it’s gonna be worth it. Stop worrying. It’s you and me. It already has everything it needs.” Stella affirms; absolute belief and conviction in her words knocking the breath out of him, although a tiny part of him disagrees vehemently, picturing another blond in her place.

It only takes two uneventful days to pass, for things with Stella to blow up in Ted’s face in a spectacular way.

They were finally going to sleep together, having booked a private place and Stella at last getting a reliable babysitter for the weekend to look after her kid. She is waiting for Ted to grab his bag when Marshall and Lily unexpectedly drop by the apartment. And in their characteristic fashion, spill the beans of having knowledge of what Stella (okay, and most people) consider to be private information.

She is understandingly upset; however, Ted couldn’t bring himself to ask forgiveness even though he’s totally at fault here. He argues, all the while hoping this could be it, the final straw that breaks them up. Ted is tired of being pulled in two different directions. Things with Stella were better until sex came into the equation, true he was the one who introduced it, yet it didn’t have a calming effect on Ted, once opportunity came close to being a reality, like he expected.

Stella glares at him. “I thought I could trust you.”

“You can trust me.” Ted insists, weakly.

Stella harshly delivers a truth, not afraid to hit below the belt: “Obviously, I can’t. You know, there’s always a reason not to sleep with a guy, and you just gave me yours.”

Ted, nonetheless, still is willing to roll with her punches. “Wait, did I give you a reason, or were you looking for one?”

“Why would I be looking for one?” Stella asks, bemused.

Ted holds her unwavering gaze and feeling a weird, calmness settle over him. “Because things are getting serious between us and that scares you.”

Stella sucks in a sharp breath. His words hit a nerve, Ted can tell, with a strange sort of sick satisfaction.

“Goodnight, Ted.”

She breathes out, before turning to leave and banging the door shut behind her.

After Stella leaves, Ted breaks down on the couch, laughing hysterically at the irony of his heated debated with girlfriend, maybe ex now. Everything he said, can be applied perfectly to his fight with Barney isn’t it?

True, in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t matter if Robin and Barney had a one night stand. Ted doesn’t own either of them; they are both adults who can make their own choices and mistakes without needing Ted’s expressive permission. Robin’s his ex-girlfriend; any previous wild and passionate feelings he once harbored for the beautiful Canadian as a lover, had long since settled into still waters of warmth and fondness for a good friend instead, and nothing more.

“_Why are you so much madder at Barney than me?”_ Robin had asked him the other day.

Well, here’s the real reason why Ted is so pissed at Barney instead of Robin. He foolishly thought, however subconsciously, that Ted <strike>means</strike> meant more to Barney than a friend…enough to warrant conquering his personal demons one day to try something new with Barney. Ted wanted there to be an option, a path for him to take, should he ever be bold enough to go for the latent attraction always simmering between him and Barney.

That Barney would betray Ted like that, break a major bro-code that he only memorized and followed because it means a lot to Barney, is just adding insult to the injury, who evidently doesn’t give a damn about him. So, yeah Ted is pissed at Barney.

_Fuck, he’s more hurt than angry to be honest._

And there’s nothing to change the fact that, low-key pull or not, Barney and Ted are not going to work, at all. Even if through some miracle Barney happens to swing both ways too. Which is unlikely since the older guy is a serial womanizer to the boot!

The next day when Ted opens the door after insistent knocking to find Stella on the other side, he was pretty confused and thinks for a moment, she must be here by accident.

“Okay, I really overreacted last night. I’m sorry.”

Hearing Stella apologize feels like the rug has been ripped from beneath his feet, and as though Ted had been given a second chance to right a wrong.

The _'Barney and Ted'_ ship doesn’t even exist, let alone sailed past his reach. Besides, Barney is ignoring Ted now...in a way by not reaching out. There is no reason to ruin things with Stella, who is actually a good match for Ted. Also, he is not that far gone on Barney because having a family, and being a dad are still important goals for him. 

As Stella introduced him to her kid, welcoming Ted into their close-knitted family, and later when they finally have sex, Ted promises himself to be his best version, to always remember the big picture of having his own family and not lose his head over illogical impulses.

Even if those illogical impulses come in an extremely persuasive and alluring package strong enough to tempt the devil, himself.

_No offense to Lucifer, but Ted’s different, okay._

** ~$@#!@!#@$~**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this chapter and didn't mind it being so long. I tend to write long ass chapters, and looks like this tradition is going to continue for this fic as well.  
Although I cannot guarantee updates at regular intervals, I solemnly promise to finish this story without fail.  
Happy Holidays once again! xoxo


	3. The Accident - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have been struggling with Barney's side of events for so long, I simply decided to break this chapter into two parts and post what I've already written. Here's Ted's POV on what's up in PiningVille - Population: two oblivious idiots in love!
> 
> A sincere and heartfelt thanks for all the kind, encouraging words, kudos, and those of you who patiently waited for an update.You guys are awesome!!❤ xoxo

** _ “Who are YOU?” said the Caterpillar. _ **

** _ This was not an encouraging opening for a conversation. Alice replied, rather shyly, “I–I hardly know, sir, just at present– at least I know who I WAS when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then.” _ **

_ \- Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll _

It has been a week since he and Stella became an _ ‘official couple’ _ in every sense of the word, though they had been dating close to three months now. Things couldn’t have turned out better for them even if they’d carefully planned and executed it. Ted either stays over at Stella’s place every few days or she hires a babysitter whenever possible and spends the night with him in the city. Of course, their first few days were spent exclusively in bed (when her daughter, Lucy is at school that is) and on couch or really, whichever flat surface was readily available at that time.

Seven _ goddamn blissful _ days with no incessant text messages or random calls from any blond devils, or being drawn into last minute shenanigans all part of a bigger plan/picture to ruin Ted’s life. In fact, not a single peep from Barney. Nada. Not even Lily has any snide tidbits to offer him recently.

That doesn’t bother him at all. _ Oh, no _ . It’s not as if Ted fears something is wrong or even misses the older dude. _ Pfft _ ...it could only mean that Barney found another wingman to replace him. _ Yeah, that would be it. _ No wonder, none of his friends heard jack squat from Barney. This is awesome because they can all go back to being their merry, non-harassed group sans a narcissistic maniac. Ted doesn’t freak out or anything when this realization strikes, since he is an adult with well-meaning best friends and a supportive girlfriend; he doesn’t get affected at the mere thought of losing a manipulative bastard he didn’t even want to be friends with in the first place. That would be pathetic and Ted definitely does not fall into that category – nevermind as a result of Barney Stinson of all people.

He is happy with Stella. Ted really is…, incredibly and unbelievably ecstatic to be hanging out with a beautiful, witty and highly educated woman who likes Ted back, appreciates his efforts and also respects him. Something Barney is terrible at, Ted reminds the anxious knot in his stomach that is starting to keep him up at nights, causing all kinds of absurd nightmares involving the one person, whose existence he is fighting hard to forget…

Ted truly enjoys spending time with Stella and Lucy, the only drawback being it has to be in New Jersey, of all places and the long commute he has to go through every time. Still, it’s another excuse <strike>to</strike> <strike> stray</strike> relax away from the busy streets of big apple and Ted is grateful beyond words at present, for any opportunity to escape from accidentally wandering into Barney’s hunting grounds or the guy himself.

The more he spends in Stella’s fascinating company, the more he comes to realize how much Barney Stinson and Stella Zinman have in common. From their slender physique, silver tongue, razor sharp wit to a wicked sense of humor, both the blue-eyed blonds are also extremely stubborn to boot and will get their own way through hook or crook once they make up their minds. Fuck, it’s almost like he’s dating a female Barney at times, minus the sporadic crass comments, suits obsession and not wanting to bang other chicks… but yeah, Stella could totally be Barney’s lost fraternal twin!

It was a good thing they hardly exchanged few words or spent together, mostly due to Ted’s strategic planning (he didn’t want Barney and Stella to hit off – they do have a lot in common aside from Barney’s promiscuity) and partly, as a result of Stella’s hectic work schedule.

_ Huh. _

Ted cannot help but wonder for the umpteenth time if this familiarity is what attracted him to Stella in the first place and what’s making him stay when he would have up and left long ago…

“So Ted, whatever happened to your friend, Barney? You don’t mention him anymore these days and I keep waiting to run into him but Barney is never there when I hang out with your friends?” Stella enquiries, during one quiet night when they are cuddled in front of the television in her home. They were watching a classic romantic comedy, but he just couldn’t concentrate enough to follow the supposed complications of its plot.

The underlying message of _ ‘Is everything okay?’ _ and _ ‘Does it have anything to do with me?’ _ in her casual query isn’t lost to him. At first, he tries to dismiss her legit concerns by deliberately shrugging and acting as though he’s too hooked on Vivian’s plight to answer her. But it obviously doesn’t take, not before her shrewd eyes that briefly linger on his tensed shoulders and white knuckles held in a death grip on his knees, and Ted soon gives up pretending to be nonchalant. Top notch acting really isn’t his forte, not like Barney anyway.

He faces Stella straight, and was once again struck with familiarity of their shared features and mannerisms: her curious head tilt, combined with a real concern glinting from her pale blue eyes. Ted had to swallow a few times before he could even speak through the painful lump lodged in his throat.

“Ah, Barney and I are not friends anymore.”

Is what he manages in the end instead of a sharp _ ‘I’m not his keeper’ _ or worse still, a bittersweet _ ‘No, it’s totally my fault, not yours’_, following that with a - _ ‘I wish, I know what Barney’s been up to but he no longer bothers me’_. Something must have shown in his face or his voice for Stella drops the matter entirely which is unlike her. Yet another parallel she shares with Barney Stinson – his former best friend and an almost love interest.

“Is it just me or does Richard Gere pass for Harrison Ford’s rugged, older brother in an acute angle?” Ted hurries through, changing topics and dragging Mr. Edward Lewis from the bright screen into their conversation.

Stella accepts his rapid change in the subject, offering her insight while keen, pale eyes occasionally track his nervous tics as he rambles incoherently about some random architectural fact or another once the movie credits roll by. She smiles at all the right pauses, smirks and banters back just enough to keep him jabbering about inane stuff until they take a break to resume other interesting and strenuous activities that doesn’t leave much room for any deep or intellectual communication. _ Thank god! _

He has no doubt that she suspects something’s amiss but luckily, Stella is smart enough to not bring it up again. Probably, trusting his judgment to cut ties with a long-term friend overnight since Stella didn’t really know Barney all that well. Everything she knows about Barney is a result of Ted’s zealous tendency to sing Barney’s tales unprovoked, mostly as a form of conversation starter or fillers during awkward pauses.

And no, he is not reading weird anything from this: it is perfectly acceptable to chatter quite a lot about one’s best friend, in awed terms, to a romantic partner when they run out of other topics to discuss. (Sometimes, even discarding important material to revisit old and awesome memories of said friend. Yup, nothing strange there at all.) _ Shut up! _

After that night, Stella never brings up Barney’s name again and Ted is more than grateful for it. He expects her to sneak in a subtle dig or a cleverly placed question about the blue-eyed devil after a couple of days like Lily and Marshall initially did. Yet Stella like Robin continued to remain close-lipped whenever gossip unexpectedly turned to stories of their old gang, and Ted is all the more fond of her for it. Stella actually listened to his unspoken request of not wanting to discuss Barney, and is honoring it!

Underneath all the buried pain, anger, frustration, reluctant attraction and low-key humiliation, lies the real ugly truth: Ted misses his best friend. He misses sharing knowing glances with Barney, their inside jokes, secret smiles, their silent communication, quiet moments in between, comfortable silences, Barney's enthusiastic high fives, his enthralling presence...just everything about him. Ted misses hanging out with Barney and being his friend, co-conspirator, wingman... his family. Just missing and yearning for Barney all the goddamn time. It is as simple and as complicated as that.

He freaking misses his best friend like hell, and although Ted convinced himself it's for the best, it doesn't hurt any less and this fact has been driving him crazy since the moment he stepped away from the damn limo. So yeah, hating Barney is better than diving into reasons why it hurts so much to stay away from him because that way lies madness...

The last thing he needs is another person in his life, side-eyeing him with barely concealed nosiness and walking on egg shells when conversations invariably hint or turn towards the cunning blond. His friends are already pretty good at making him feel guilty about Barney shaped hole in their lives, Ted doesn’t need Stella to join that club too.

Dinners in the Zinman’s household are fun and rapidly becoming quite a commonplace for him. Lucy, Stella’s young daughter, is adorable and he enjoys reading bedtime stories to her on days he spends the night at their residence. As for Stella and him, their newfound candor is working out really well in the bedroom and outside too.

Yup, just he and Stella getting intimate on a regular basis and working towards building a better, stable relationship, one that’s based on mutual trust and honesty…except for the part where Ted keeps his bisexuality a secret from the woman, who just could be the one for him, if his weird fixation with Barney is out of the picture, that is.

Not that Ted makes a habit of discussing his sexuality with people he dates or even with persons he knows, period; as it is his choice, and his alone, to decide when and if he wants to reveal that info. But when his current object of lustful admiration happens to be his former friend, who he may or may not be thinking of (at times) while participating in coitus with his present girlfriend; Ted figures morally, he is skating on thin fucking ice which constantly kept triggering a shit-ton of guilt on his already fragile conscience.

Whatever. Running from his problems has always worked for him in the past and he’s sticking with that course of action like white on rice. His _ ‘Barney issue’ _ is not an exception to this rule. He just has to outrun his weird feelings until they settle down into dormancy once again.

**#!@!#**

Being an architect and his own boss too, comes with fantastic perks like he gets to dictate his working hours. There’s no one to argue with Ted if he chooses to take a day off, leave early or when he decides to work from home. He had been exercising these fantastic rights a lot lately since he pretty much (seriously) started seeing Stella. Fortunately for Ted, his team recently closed a big project and there isn’t much work to do for now, other than filing reports and tedious crap like that.

He leaves his office early for the third time that week and hits a nearby diner to pick up an evening snack on his way home. He finds Lily painting in the living room, dressed in Marshall’s old navy shirt, as soon as the door is opened.

“Hey, how was your day?” Ted greets her, closing the door to their apartment.

“Today, I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.” Lily clearly stressed out answers with a grimace.

“A rainbow? Sounds like that bitch had it coming.” Ted responds dryly, thinking some humor could aid in de-stressing her out.

Lily merely shrugs, helplessly and turns back to paint when the door swings open again and Marshall ambles inside this time. Ted gives him a cursory nod before turning away to clear his abandoned litter on the table. He sits down on the couch and bites into his delicious cheese and turkey sandwich while keeping up with Marshall and Lily’s ongoing conversation.

The recently married couple lately keeps invoking one bad news after another, at least in the financial department. Apparently, their terrible investment apartment needs more repairs and its cost is now far exceeding their agreed estimate. Marshall and Lily are arguing about whose stuff sells most profitably – her designer wear cocktail dresses or his mundane possessions to pay for this unforeseen expense.

Barney’s absence in their lives is never more painfully, and glaringly obvious than in these little moments, when Ted and newlywed Eriksen’s have to face serious confrontations with reality: the small, and increasingly uncomfortable silences that keep cropping up without Barney’s smart-ass comments to defuse tensions, and of seemingly impossible situations, fraught with despair without Barney’s outrageous sense of logic which against all odds, tends to deliver amazing results. Most of all, it is palpable through Ted’s unusual bouts of silence, and his reluctance to start a verbal battle that he used to love engaging in with the older guy.

Half the time, it feels as though he is mourning the loss of a vital organ that’d kept him whole; as for the rest, Ted just feels alternatively numb or overwhelmed, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Either way, he’s taken to remaining calm where he’s used to fill silences with useless facts, and it’s only a matter of time before his gang initiates an intervention for him.

_ Boy, he couldn’t wait to see how that will pan out! _

Nonetheless, he couldn’t bring himself to offer any constructive criticism or advice to his friends when they try to brainstorm a solution for their dilemma. Ted doesn’t really understand his disinclination to speak, himself and chooses to take his sweet time munching through the sandwich, as an excuse to avoid any verbal contribution.

Ted spares a few guilty seconds to acknowledge that if Barney was still friends with them, he would have loaned the amount to Marshall (with some spare cash to go as well) in a heartbeat. The older guy is easily the most financially successful member of their group, and it shows in the way Barney splurges money and is always dressed in expensive suits; although, none of them knows exactly what he does for a living. Yet, Barney never flaunted his wealth and privileged status over them; in fact, he even consistently offered help whenever someone from their gang required it, which Marshall and Lily had taken advantage of, several times till now.

He’s adopted usage of _‘hmmm’_ and _‘umm’_ in his daily vocabulary now, and they’ve come in perfectly useful when Ted needs to come across as paying attention when he really doesn’t. _Like right-fucking-now_.

Ted takes another small bite from his sandwich and chewing super slowly to avoid Lily’s desperate glances, screaming unspoken demands for him to join what is quickly appearing to tumble any second into the category of fighting. At least, his best buddy Marshall got habituated to Ted’s new act, and doesn’t outright include him no more.

Marshall belatedly drops a bombshell on Lily stating he already created a website to sell her expensive stuff. The three of them, then get distracted following a website _ ‘Guy forces his wife to dress in a garbage bag for the next three years’ _ that Lily tries to create, and finds to their utter fascination the domain already existing; ultimately, they had to agree on auctioning Lily’s clothes much to her continued _ loud _ distress.

Few hours later, Robin joins them on the trusted-ratty couch in their quest to inspect Lily’s stuff for determining suitable ones to list on the website.

“This is insane. Has Lily even worn half this stuff?” Ted addresses, examining a dark dress before tossing in onto a pile of clothes, clattered around their reddish couch.

Robin is seated on the floor, folding a few clothes and leaning against the couch, fondly questioning him in turn. “Oh, yeah, like there’s nothing in your closet you’ve never worn?”

“As a matter of fact, no, there isn’t.” He admits, with an unabashed pride ignoring Robin’s skeptical eye-roll.

Marshall walks by to drop in the armchair when Robin mockingly brushes away his words. “Whatever, red cowboy boots.”

Ted is kinda offended to hear that and instantly defends his favorite boots. “Hey, those are nice boots. I totally pull those off.”

She nods in a patronizing manner, not entirely repressing a smile that he catches through peripheral vision. Marshall too joins in scoffing along with Robin, and calls out for his wife’s expert opinion.

“Lily, if I were to say _ ‘Ted could never pull those off’ _, what would I be talking about?”

Lily who arrives just then, carrying yet another bunch of clothes – ‘_ how many pairs of tops and dresses does she really own _’, Ted wonders briefly- immediately responds without missing a beat and planting down opposite to Marshall.

“His red cowboy boots.”

Ted’s slowly edging from offensive grounds to annoyance, as his friends continue to doubt and ridicule his awesome fashion choices. “I totally pull them off! It’s a classic western look.” He insists again.

Marshall leans forward in his chair with a gleam in his eyes that Ted just knows, from extensive experience stemming from their shared-dorm days, spells trouble. “Oh, okay. Uh, today’s category: classic westerns that involve red cowboy boots.”

_ ‘And…Ted’s absofuckinglutely right, again! Fuck.’ _

Robin and Lily both raise their hands, eagerly as if they are in a classroom or a game show instead of say, in a very messy living room of an Upper west side apartment.

Robin gets picked first and answers with a stylish snap of her fingers.“The good, the bad and the fabulous.”

Ted scrunches his face, feigning bafflement but internally he is sweating bullets, as the mocking around him continues.

Lily quips next. “The magnificent Kevin.”

The icing on cake though, comes when Marshall smugly volunteers his input. “No country for straight men.”

Those five words prove to be the proverbial damn straw that finally breaks his infamous patience. Ted just couldn’t sit there listening to his friends innocent (he sure as fuck hope they are) teasing anymore. He swiftly gets up; a grudging glare directed at Marshall who instinctively jerks back with a wariness that is starkly apparent in his body language, like a sole bright yellow would stand out against a sea of black gamps.

He goes into his room as Lily starts bemoaning about not wanting to sell her clothes for the millionth time. The first thing he does, after closing his bedroom door is to lean against it whilst rubbing his face in pent up frustration. He could literally feel the anxiety roll off him in unending waves.

That was a close miss. Ted is like ninety nine percent sure that his friends meant nothing but frivolous banter. Their ribbing certainly didn’t come across as malicious or derogatory in nature. He thought or maybe, just imagined Lily flashing a loaded look at him during their _ ‘Match an appropriate cowboy movie’ _game or was it Robin? He was too busy freaking out to be sure.

Actually, that had been a perfect moment for Ted to fess up about his alternate lifestyle. _ No, it’s not a lifestyle, it is his sexual orientation. _ It’s hard for him to get rid of an internalized fear, from all those tormented years in high school, watching secondhand bullying of openly out kids. Realistically, Ted is aware that none of his friends will turn on him; if they find out he’s an equal opportunist when it comes to dating. They all openly participated in pride marches and had joined LGBT support groups in college as well. Especially Barney, who is straight as an arrow and has a gay brother, will be the last person to be disgusted by Ted’s secret.

_ Then why does he feel a nerve-wrecking fear just contemplating about coming out to his closest friends, who are also his family? _

He shakes himself out of self-imposed funk, figuring he’s been cooped inside a while, and puts on the much talked about boots. The red cowboy boots, sure they are a dead giveaway regarding his (sometimes) partner preferences but these babies truly look magnificent on him, and no way is Ted getting rid of them because of few stupid remarks – pointed or otherwise.

He saunters back into the hall with his boots on, stopping to place one foot on their wooden table, and enjoys having the last word for once.

“Pulling. Them. Off.”

**#!@!#**

Lily convinces Marshall, through use of pure logic, to give her a week for attempting to sell some of her paintings instead of her precious clothes to raise money for their apartment repairs. She even ropes Robin and him into helping her once plan A aka art gallery falls through.

They try their best to talk up Lily’s abstract painting but no dice. According to Robin, Ted comes across as a pretentious douche but in his opinion that is far better than Robin’s _ ‘neato burrito’ _compliments.

He and Robin end up arguing more about his favorite boots than brag about Lily’s proudest creation but that’s irrelevant. Because Ted totally pulls off the cowboy boots, _ dammit! _

Even other customers at the coffee shop seem to side with Robin but what would they even know about exquisite footwear options? They’re all just a bunch of caffeine addicts who cannot function without a regular shot of espresso or tall orders of coffee as black as their uncultured souls. IT’S A CLASSIC WESTERN LOOK!!

_ ‘Pfft…he knows those strangers are wrong about his style. It’s a good thing that he was never the type to care or fret about how people would perceive him and it is not like he even needs outsiders’ approval to feel validated in his choices. Hell no!’ _

Ted soon becomes embroiled in a personal battle to get at least one member in New York City to acknowledge that he perfectly pulls of the red cowboy boots, and doesn’t keep up with Lily’s hunt for her paintings’ buyer.

**#!@!#**

Ted has to travel to Brooklyn, early the next morning for an unexpected client meeting in their office. Since no Barney equates no more late night rendezvous at MacLaren’s or otherwise, he had little trouble waking up at the crack of dawn to brave a horrendous commute with the rest of the city's finest walking dead army.

He is several minutes ahead of schedule and contemplates whether a quick stop at a nearby coffee place is well worth it or not. Still musing, he mistakenly takes a left turn instead of right, at the crossroads and immediately notices a bustling coffee shop, not twenty feet ahead from where he’s standing. Taking it as sign from universe that the gods wanted him caffeinated (since alcohol is out of question) before Ted is set loose on innocent victims, not that he is a coffee junkie but merely a cranky asshole due to recent events, he sets out for the holy grail.

The café door swings open, when Ted’s within snooping distance, and a tall, attractive guy dressed in a monochromatic color theme of dark grey sweater and black pants, strides out closely followed by another dude dressed contrastingly in blue jeans and a burgundy colored hoodie, both holding tall takeaway cups of coffee.

Something about that sight has Ted stopping in his tracks, goosebumps erupting all over and an unexplained panic kicking up a storm. On first glance, there’s nothing strange with that picture of two guys, clearly close friends or maybe more, grabbing a coffee together. New York City at any time is blustering with crowds and coming across a couple of hot and fit men is not a rare occurrence. But there is just something about the shorter guy with blond hair, which is grappling Ted’s attention like a fucking needle attaching itself to a magnet.

He involuntarily stops fighting the impulse, no longer in haste for a latté and tries to observe the partially visible guy from across the moving throng of people, who is having a serious conversation with his companion from the looks of it. Ted concludes from a few physical mannerisms he was able to catch, the stranger reminds him of Barney and again, not for the first time Ted thinks he ran into the real deal.

Nevertheless, this is Brooklyn – not exactly an area Barney Stinson ventures, and definitely not willingly, always sticking to more posh and wealthier neighborhoods in the Empire city- chances are next to none this is <strike> his </strike> Barney, even his job wouldn’t necessitate the blond’s presence here. Happy with his conclusions, Ted forgoes his fears of turning tail. He was all set to ignore and keep moving when the taller brunet steps further into the blond’s personal space, speaking something before grabbing and kisses him – right there in middle of the fucking Brooklyn street without giving a damn about who’s looking.

The sudden movement jostles the shorter guy until Ted is able to catch a narrow glimpse of his face, before it's hidden again behind the fold of his partner’s long fingers and another sharp jaw line descends to capture those lips. But that one second is enough to electrocute Ted in his spot.

_ ‘Fuck. No, it can’t be. No fucking way.’ _

He takes a deep breath and mentally evaluated his findings. This is not the first time and probably won’t even be the last, that Ted mistook some poor soul for Barney because they happen to share similar build or height and hair color, all because of his enormous crush on that jerk. So, yeah, it’s entirely possible that he’s overreacting over nothing, again!

Ted curses his vivid imagination for playing trick on him as there’s no way in hell Barney would be caught dead in Brooklyn streets, wearing jeans and a maroon sweatshirt, drinking coffee no less. And let’s not forget the whole _ ‘kissing another dude’ _ part which renowned womanizer that Barney is, will definitely not indulge in.

_ Put like that his fears hold little sense. Phew! _

Whoever this dude bears a striking resemblance to Barney, from the little side profile Ted manages to catch since his boyfriend’s hand is still intimately holding his face captive and obstructing the majority of the pretty view. He feels a strong pang in his chest spying on this personal moment of some strangers because that picture, it could easily have been Ted and Barney in their place.

His desire for coffee swiftly gets replaced with a need for much stronger drink. Ted turns away before he could be caught gaping – no longer intrigued in learning the blond’s facial features like he was a few moments ago; pace increasing as he retraces his steps and takes the right turn, hurrying to reach his client’s office for their important meeting.

_ ‘Yes, client meeting – the reason he’s in Brooklyn in the first place. Not to gawk at men making out, as though he was an orphan peering through windows in a Dickens book.’ _

Throughout the day, Ted couldn’t shake away uneasiness caused from replaying those few seconds of affection, left in his gut. The feeling of wrongness, jealousy and simmering fury stayed with him for a long time, like a background noise that refused to be shaken off, even following into his unconsciousness and materializing as nightmares.

He doesn’t get it. Ted has seen plenty of same sex couples kiss, make out, dry hump and hell, even fuck each other (on one memorable occasion) in public spaces before (he lives in NYC and frequently rides the subway), why is he so rattled by a basically PG-13 version of intimacy, all of a sudden? Is it because, for one teeny, tiny moment hope flared that Barney Stinson could actually not be off limits to him?

_ ‘No. No, no, no. No. Just no! He is not falling down this rabbit hole again. No. There is no future for him with Barney. The sooner he accepts it, the better it is for his sanity.’ _

Stella is a perfect substitute for Barney shaped <strike> void</strike> space in his life and she even has a funny, contagious laugh that is similar to the pompous dude. Barney couldn’t even treat him as a decent friend, and it’s not like the guy bats for their home team. Perhaps, if Ted hooks up with another guy, his sudden ravenous desire for Barney will abate. Or maybe he should simply move away to some remote region like Greenland or Alaska and become a freaking monk. _ Hey, it could happen! _ This could be like his backup plan if he is still on search for _ ‘the one’ _ ten years from now and his _ ‘Barney itch’ _ doesn’t disappear by then. But not now, though.

Yeah, as great as Stella has been, the sparks are starting to subside, in part due to his Barney obsession and mostly, because he is too tired from travelling all the way from New York to New Jersey, every couple of days.

However, the embers didn’t totally extinguish for them, yet and Ted’s content to go with the flow for once, and not spout oddly enthusiastic, declarations of love as he did in his previous relationships. There’s time for that yet, he chuckles, knowing full well, how desperation and fear of ending up alone have always driven him to ramble most inappropriate shit, at worst times possible. He is supremely confident that by the time he and Stella break up for good, Ted would’ve made a fool of himself, in a spectacular fashion, no doubt.

Meanwhile, if only his brain would stop saving random stranger’s attractive profiles and editing them to have new content for his <strike> wank fantasies</strike> nightmares, he will be immensely grateful.

**#!@!#**

Dusk finds Ted and Marshall as usual hanging out at MacLaren’s bar; tired of being cooped up in their apartment, they made the long trek to their downstairs bar. It’s still relatively early in the day, so they ordered light beers.

Halfway through, Lily comes bounding up to them with some great news: she sold her painting, and not just to anyone but a gay couple without kids – a GCWOK. Her admission lights a bulb for Ted still struggling with his agenda to get a green light for his red boots.

Rubbing her success in Marshall’s face for a bit - Lily departs, following Ted’s suggestion, to make a phone call throwing in a last _ ‘Suck it’ _ to her _ ‘supportive’ _ husband; excited about potentially selling more of her paintings, now that she’s got a fabulous clientele interested in her works. He grins, about to rib Marshall as well but his friend’s attention is suddenly focused elsewhere.

Ted automatically turns towards the bar entrance, when it’s evident Marshall is peering at something, and witnesses a bizarre sight of Barney holding hands with a curvaceous blonde and strolling through MacLaren’s, twining in a turquoise blue couple’s outfit. His weak, human heart skips a beat, as Barney keeps getting closer towards their table.

He belatedly notices that Barney completed his nerdy look, by wearing hipster glasses and that sight causes his legs to go a little weak beneath the table. He blushes, instantly reminded of dupe Barney in Brooklyn, as his creativity goes into overdrive replacing his Barney (clad in blue) in place of that burgundy hoodie stranger with Ted as the one, carefully holding him close and kissing hell out of a flustered Barney. Throat more than a little dry, Ted’s suddenly glad he is seated when Barney walked through the door.

Ted is both overjoyed and miffed at once. The former reactions due to Barney <strike> finally</strike> venturing out of isolation, by breaking Ted’s orders and the latter vibe, is because it took the older guy this long to do so. Fact is, he expected Barney to run into him ages ago, by chance or not. As more time went by, without any cameos from blond Casanova, the more convinced Ted became that he was truly yesterday’s news for him. By all means, Ted should be pissed off at Barney by not acknowledging his presence and outright ignoring him. He should. He really should; it’s only fair since Barney had no trouble forgetting Ted but couldn’t bring himself to do that.

He stares at the rare sight of Barney clad in form fitting Sweatshirt and jeans, like a hungry cat eyeing a canary within reach. His gaze once again falls on their entwined hands, and awareness floods through his system, berating his gullibility for nearly losing his resolve. 

Ted couldn’t shake off the feeling that he had met or known the woman from somewhere. But that couldn’t be it. Surely, he’s imagining things. Barney Stinson doesn’t do repeat performances, preferring to _ ‘Bang them and leave them’ _. Still, where did he know the blonde woman from? And, why are they holding hands…in public? Last Ted checked, Barney would rather be burned alive than be caught engaging in any sort of PDA, especially the romantic kind, other than to get laid.

_‘Unless, their almost four weeks apart is enough for Barney to drastically alter his lifestyle choices…? Whoa, maybe he should actually wait to hear Barney’s explanations before jumping to conclusions._ _Wait, why is he getting all twisted over this? He is not supposed to care for Barney Stinson anymore. That’s right._ _Fuck Barney! But not, like literally because that would be against his recent resolutions. Still, he wouldn’t turn it down if Barney’s into it though…impromptu decisions be damned.’_

A quick glance confirms his wavering went unnoticed, and Ted takes precious few seconds of Marshall’s distraction, to compose himself. Apparently, the three plus weeks’ absence away from Barney’s magnetic presence had pushed back Ted’s immunity and the once dormant butterflies, are now fluttering in a frenzy trying to break out in whichever way possible, but mostly pushing hard to indicate their existence via a dazzling smile. It is by pure luck that he even succeeds in squashing them, firmly hanging out a poker face, cultivated within the past weeks.

_God, how he missed seeing Barney’s stupid mug and being part of his crazy antics. Speaking of which, Barney is clearly here to pull another one of his insane stunts. Right?_ _At least he hopes so._ He and Marshall silently look at each other unsure how to proceed now since its obvious Barney is heading towards them, not that they doubted otherwise.

_ ‘Should he say something or wait for Barney to make the first move? Definitely, the latter option. Yes. Ted was the one who spewed bullshit about never wanting to see or talk to him again. So, he cannot greet the guy like nothing happened. No, his best bet is to wait this out…’ _

His hands are starting to shake with nerves by then, so he grips them together. Ted bites his tongue, waiting with a bated breath when Barney addresses him, and only him, as though Marshall is invisible, gesturing towards his pretty companion, who still remains frustratingly familiar.

“Ted, fancy bumping into you here. Have you guys met my girlfriend, Abby?”

_ What?! Girlfriend? _

Ted is speechless for half-a-second during which recognition kicks in. Abby? As in Stella’s receptionist, Abby. That’s right. Wait, wasn’t she interested in Ted the last time he saw her… or at least that’s what he thought.

_ She and Barney? Huh. _

“Uh, yeah... Hi Abby. So…so - um… you guys are dating now?”

Ted stutters his way through greetings, conscious of the weird looks Marshall is sending his way. Knowing his best friend, Marshall wouldn’t even bring up his unnatural response again – brushing it off as a result of not expecting Barney to speak with Ted after their big fight.

_ Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why the fuck did he have to fucking stutter? _

Barney, fucking beams in response. “That’s right. I’m done with this whole being awesome thing. Now I’m all about farmers’ markets and day hikes in matching khaki cargo shorts. Isn’t that right, sweetie?”

Abby, who was gazing at Barney this whole time, chirps in breaking eye contact near the end, to address Ted. “That’s right. And girlfriends are lame. Unless, they’re me. I miss you Ted.”

_ Ah! _

_ Okay. _

He gets it now. Suddenly, the dreadful pit in his stomach vanishes and Ted’s back on the morally superior ground in a jiffy. Phew, to think that he was worried Barney got tired of him seems pretty laughable now. It’s nice to know that <strike> Barney still cares</strike> some things never change, and Barney being a needy, attention seeking idiot is one of them.

Ted is proud his hard-earned poker face is still holding, and shares a quick eye-contact with Marshall, unlike him, whose expressive face is betraying confusion and incredulity, clear as day.

Barney continues passionately, draping an arm over Abby, very much committed to playing his part to the T. “Abby and I are in love. Not hot passionate love. Couple love. You know, movie night with my girlfriend, then waiting for her to go to bed, so I can steal one last pitiful moment of hollow ecstasy by the cold, blue light of my computer monitor.”

“We’re showing Ted how lame he is.” Abby abruptly announces, unaware of her fake boyfriend tensing next to her. Barney lets his hand drop from where it was previously embracing her and Ted is inexplicably glad for that move.

He grits his teeth. “You don’t have to say it though.”

Ted has enough evidence needed to put an end to this useless drama. Smiling and ducking his head to hide his smugness, Ted says as much.

“Uh, okay, Barney, you can stop.”

Barney, however, is not done yet. Turning to wrap both his arms around Abby, he mocks him. And just like that Ted’s annoyance is back with a vengeance at their reinforced proximity.

“Stop what, Ted? Stop being in love? Next, he’ll ask us to stop breathing.”

Abby and Barney immediately let out a fake laugh, eerily in sync; and then, Abby gushes out how they cannot stop breathing and that Ted’s hair looks awesome, all in one breath.

Seriously, he’s worried for nothing here. Whatever, the cause for Barney to avoid him these past weeks, it plainly isn’t a big deal. Although Ted initially planned on making Barney really work for his forgiveness, that resolution is fast fading now as sheer happiness began to replace the previous cold misery. The logical reasons for that particular decision will come back to haunt him later, no doubt, but in this moment Ted is hard-pressed, to remember why he ever thought banishing Barney was a good idea, in the first place.

“Um…Barney, I, I see what you’re doing. Please stop.” He says, still unexpectedly shy and finding it hard to look him in the eye. It is possible he had quite a few interesting fantasies that started similarly, although there was no Marshall or any guest characters starring in them, just Barney and Ted in compromising positions, that’s all. Barney’s choice of attire isn’t helping either.

Marshall is surprisingly quiet during their entire conversation. And, Ted couldn’t bring himself to take a peek at his best friend either; apprehensive of what he will find there and whether Marshall is perceptive enough to correctly read between the lines of his abrupt bashfulness. Probably not…maybe. _ Come on, it’s Marshall Oblivious Eriksen. So, no…hopefully. _

“Not before I share with you what being in a relationship leads to, Ted.” Barney remarks in a faux, sing-song voice that is almost always followed by a lecture of sorts. He then proceeds to subtly ridicule Ted’s sentiments regarding relations through his proposal to Abby, even dropping down to one knee and pulling out a ring.

“Will you marry me?”

“Wait, really?” Abby breaks character by questioning; obviously astonished at this new turn of events.

“I would never joke about true love.” Barney replies, throwing a pointed look at Ted. Sarcasm crystal clear and dripping from his words, meant to offend Ted’s delicate senses.

He cannot help but roll his eyes at Barney’s flair for dramatics and curse himself for falling for them like an idiot. An ecstatic Abby shrilly agrees and they hug it out, with the entire bar minus their table erupting in claps and congratulations for the ‘_ newly engaged couple’ _.

_ ‘Well, there goes any lingering warm gooey feelings and hello, common sense: my old friend.’ _

Ted watches, lips pursed and body tightly coiled, as Barney purposefully makes a mockery of Ted’s aspirations to settling down one day. He’s right the first time – Barney isn’t gonna change and he will never take anything seriously. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing except for how much it matters to Ted, and if Barney cannot understand that, then clearly he made the right call in keeping the lunatic at arm’s length.

Barney turns to point Ted, finger and all, with a _ ‘That’s you!’ _ Once Abby excuses herself to call her mom with her happy news.

Three weeks, four days and six hours since they were in the same room, and this is what Barney chooses to say to Ted, when they finally get a chance to have a private (okay, semi-private) face to-face. Forget apologies, Ted had long since realized Barney isn’t capable of them but he expected Barney to at least show some remorse for his actions; and not set out such an elaborate prank, playing on an innocent girl’s feelings without a second’s thought, just so he could do what? Scorn Ted for wanting to have a normal and healthy relationship, something Barney actively abhors.

Ted would have said something along the lines of, _ ‘not talking to you is driving me insane’ _ or even a straightforward _ ‘miss you, buddy’ _ . Sappy, yes but also the goddamn truth, in his case. Ted is terribly glad for not letting his real feelings come through. No way in hell, is Ted forgiving Barney without some serious repentance from the guy first.

_ Pfft, hell would freeze first before that happens! _

With that in mind, Ted tilts his head in Abby’s direction near the bar counter and mentions, casually. “Uh, yeah, I don’t think Abby knows you’re kidding.”

“Uh, yes, she does.” Barney scoffs, unconcerned.

They pause, to hear one-sided conversation of Abby excitedly relaying good news to her mother. Barney, ever the cool-head, mutters an unconvincing, “Totally committed to the bit”, and saunters towards Abby for damage control.

Ted isn’t overly concerned because if he’s right and the pattern holds true – whatever happens here today, Barney would likely go back to ignoring him again until he’s back to bothering Ted out of the blue. Yet again. This comprehension settles him somewhat, and boosts his confidence levels to unbelievable heights of penthouse suites in a Manhattan skyline.

Ted is bracing to delve into upcoming discussion with Marshall when Lily wanders back to their booth, hanging up a call with a resigned _ ‘I see’ _. He narrows his eyes, wondering what happened to upset her within the short span of time, when Lily clarifies without any prompting.

“H-he threw out my painting.”

_ Oh…no. _

Ted knows how much it means to Lily that her painting has been bought by a GCOWK (Gay Couple Without Kids) particularly after struggling so hard to sell and almost losing hope in herself, and her artistic talent in the process. He doesn’t even know what to say to cheer her up, and can see that Marshall too is similarly lost for words.

“Champagne for everyone, on me, the happiest guy in the world.” Barney loudly announces, from behind them as the bar once again erupts in cheers.

An awkward pause falls between them, and Ted could see Lily is fighting to hold back tears, fiddling with her phone to avoid catching their gaze. Fucking Barney and his thoughtless pranks, always finding a way to rub salt in others wounds without even trying, in the worst possible way imaginable.

_ ‘Most people have a degree of shame, yes. Not Barney, though.’ _

He feels awful and furious at once. Shouldn’t a good friend, as Barney kept insisting he is, be there for his friends instead of cheating strangers with insane ploys for his amusement? Couldn’t Barney see that the usually cheerful Lily, who has always been his biggest cheerleader, is downcast and dismal right now? Can’t he stop being a narcissist for one damn second?

Ted stops that line of thinking; no good comes from going down that lane, as he recently learnt. He ignores the feeling of being watched, and diverts his entire attention to memorize the vibrant label design on beer bottles in front of him, to give Lily some privacy.

Once the whoops give way to low humdrum, Lily instantly fidgets. “Umm…I’ll turn in then, get started on picking the best clothes to auction…”

“I will walk with you, honey.” Marshall stands up to leave and Ted too, mimics him.

As they were making way out of MacLaren’s, quiet and sombre, Ted notices from his peripheral vision Barney perking up and observing their exit, intently. Sometimes you can do something right a thousand times in a row…or in his case, keep providing excuses for Barney’s persistent, behavioral flaws and always coming up with excuses to forgive him, but then, that thousand and first time…you just are done. Well, this…playing a lovey-dovey relationship with Abby, and pulling a marriage proposal just to drive a point home, is that thousand and first time for Ted.

So, he makes a show of leaving with his head held high, fully aware of Barney’s surveillance, and not so subtly exuding a ‘_ You’re not welcome anymore’ _ vibes. From his instantly slumped form, Ted is suitably satisfied that Barney got the message.

_ ‘Good. The last thing they need, Lily needs, is Barney and his insensitive self flaunting his success and wisdom near them. It is for the best that he stays away...It is.’ _ <strike> _ But why does it feel so wrong… _ </strike>

**#!@!#**

Ted and Marshall go on a wild goose chase, in their free time to figure out who the new owners of Lily’s tossed out painting are. Their first stop is the GCWOK residence where Ted gets a reaffirmation from men of impeccable taste and style that he does indeed pull off the red cowboy boots. His inner fabulous self, dies and enters heaven when Walter confirms, even using Ted’s exact words.

_ ‘Hear that, people of New York City? Huh? Ted Mosby Pulls Off These Red Cowboy Boots!! Hell yeah, he does!’ _

There were times when Ted’s worried, hiding in the closet for as long as he did, had repercussions like perhaps he’s too repressed or wouldn’t be able to relate to stuff like other gays and bisexuals would. Learning that he still got it, is like a soothing balm to his terrified soul.

He lets this high carry him forward throughout the week, not allowing guilt from minor inconveniences like Lawrence and Walter’s domestic bliss, and Barney lookalike’s romantic kiss in the middle of street hold him back from enjoying life’s small victories.

On the other hand, Lily is overjoyed too at learning her art is soothing to canine creatures, as the veterinarian buys three more of her paintings for two thousand bucks. She didn’t have to sell any more clothes and the crumbling faith in her artistic talent is now restored. Marshall even builds a fancy new website specifically to sell Lily’s artwork to veterinarians, once again proving he’s an unconditionally supportive husband.

The only drawback being, her greatest critics and haters now include birds: who are driven to commit suicide after one look at Lily’s craftsmanship. Well, as long as the bird population doesn’t sue, Lily and Marshall figure things aren’t too bad…

**#!@!#**

Ted experiences some truly nice days in a row, and like with all good things his string of luck runs out soon. A few days later Ted meets up with Stella for breakfast, gets into a minor disagreement, that starts a fight and breaks up with her in that exact manner.

He returns to their apartment to find all his friends hanging out in front of the television set as per usual. Well, their new normal now that Barney and his crazy last minute plans are out.

Marshall is still on his job hunt, browsing the newspaper while Robin and Lily are keeping him company till they have to leave for work. This is great, Ted doesn’t need to have this conversation thrice and can finish it in one go.

“Hey, is there any beer in the fridge?” Ted simply asks, in lieu of a greeting.

“It’s ten in the morning.” Lily objects, just as Marshall replies with a request, “grab me one.”

“So, something bad just happened.” Ted begins, handing over the beer and taking a seat opposite to Marshall. He begins explaining in general terms the layout of what took place, “Stella invited me to her sister’s wedding.”

Lily frowns. “Is that the something bad, that she invited you to a wedding?”

For all the judgment she leveled towards them for drinking in the morning, Lily too grabs a corona from the fridge; Robin, chooses to stick with coffee for now.

“Six months from now. As in we’ll be together six months from now. Do you guys remember Barney’s whole thing about making plans in a relationship?” Ted elaborates, perturbed, when none of them appear to catch on to his issue, all wearing identically befuddled stares.

He kind of wants to hug them for not voicing out the first question that popped in their minds when Ted implies Barney and his wisdom as a basis for his decision. He certainly thought the same: why even take the serial playboy's dating advice when Ted's looking to settle down and not mess around? Why would he still follow what Barney suggested ages ago, after all the fuss Ted made about not wanting to have anything to do with the heartless Casanova?

_Yeah, why Ted? Why are you so invested in Barney's stupid bro code, his batshitcrazy antics, last minute 'let's go on an adventure' plans and clearly self made fake dating rules? Even, better - why are you so obsessed with Barney, Ted?_

A lot of unanswerable questions, all revolving around one person Ted cares for, more than he lets anyone see. Sends his heartfelt thanks to gods looking out for him, who are making sure his friends and family remain safely in the dark regarding his closely guarded secrets, and also for blessing Ted with the most loyal and incredible friends one could ask for.

Ted offers them Barney’s explanation of the date-time continuum: you never make plans with a girl further in future than the amount of time you’ve been going out. Robin has some objections to this theory since she had been an exception to the rule. However, Barney had been right in the end; Ted and Robin did break up before Bruce Springsteen’s concert in January, although Robin was very much a part of their group by then.

Ted hurries on to add. “But, Barney had a point. As soon as she started talking about the wedding, it freaked me out.”

“Oh, boy!” Marshall drawls, having stayed surprisingly silent till then.

Ted had hit all the awkward spots in his exchange with Stella – mentioning the duration of his relationship and comparing it to a family trip until she figured something’s wrong. The gang groans out when he further explains what happened next at the restaurant.

Lily repeats in disbelief, “_ ‘We need to talk?’ _There’s only two situations where you say that to someone and unless you’re pregnant, it sounds like you broke up with her.”

“Yeah, I did.” Ted quietly, reaffirms.

“What…?” Lily gasps, clearly in shock whilst Marshall’s back to shaking his head and making disappointed faces.

“So, how did she take it?” Robin inquiries, visibly unhappy with the news as well.

Ted describes how he tried to end on good terms and Stella walking away from him after confirming that _ ‘they’re good’ _. After he’s done, Lily leans forward and smacks his head really hard.

_ Ouch. Rude but totally deserve it. Thank fuck for Lily and her blunt approach. The weight on his chest is easing now, despite talking himself into breaking up with Stella as the right move. Which, it really is. No more playing hide and seek with his feelings. _

Ted flinches and clarifies, mostly to get rid of those disgruntled glares aiming at him. “Ow! Look I know it sounds rough, but Stella’s a mom. I have to be responsible. If I’m having these feelings now, what if they don’t go away? What if they just get worse and worse? And six months from now, I break up with her over tofu salmon at her sister’s wedding? I can’t do that to her, and I definitely can’t do that to her daughter. It sucks but I’m being the good guy here. This is the right decision.”

The three of them fidget and wince in sympathy during his diatribe but thankfully, doesn’t bring up anymore arguments or criticism regarding his decision. Robin nervously licks her lips as though preparing to contradict his statements but changes her mind at the last moment, turning away and fiddling with her phone.

Lily and Ted have a non-verbal battle through facial expressions alone; Lily at last giving in when he doesn’t budge or blink into submission. He turns to gauge Marshall’s stance and finds the jolly giant scrutinizing him with an out-of-place expression on his serene face. Ted raises his hands to signify _ ‘any more objections’ _ and receives none, only grimaces overlapped with grim overtones from the trio.

_ Good. Because it’s his decision to make in the end._

** #!@!# **

Long after Lily and Robin leave for work and he’s barricaded in his room, it’s all Ted could think about – his exchange with Stella and everything he left unsaid.

_ ‘I’m only being honest with you’ _.

That’s what he told Stella as he was breaking up with her. And in a way, he was; without going into particulars or mentioning Barney. Frankly, he’s surprised they lasted three months together. A sane part of him knows it’s only out of spite and anger at Barney that dragged this relationship so far, which is not a good foundation to base any relation on or to continue it forward.

Perhaps now that Ted’s free, he can confirm the new theory rattling around in his mind: hook-up with a guy to check if his thirst for Barney quenches soon after.

Not going to implement the plan immediately, though. He might not be in love with Stella but he’s been fairly fond of her. Breakups are hard even when the person you’re walking away from isn’t right for you.

Ted really wished things had worked out between him and Stella…but the second she invited him to a wedding six months from then, Ted knew beyond doubt that his days of playing house are over - he cannot see himself with Stella for that long. Not like Barney, with whom Ted envisioned a lifetime together, in a platonic sense only (that’s actually enough for Ted) but still…it speaks volumes, doesn’t it? He’d rather give in, and get back with Barney who makes fun of him on a regular basis than give his dwindling relationship with Stella another chance to thrive.

_ 'Maybe he should get his head checked. He’s going through a lot of maybe’s recently…’ _

Yup, he made the right move by ending it before things could get any more complicated. And Ted meant everything he said to his friends – about not wanting to hurt Stella and her daughter - and yes, breaking up over a vegan dish at Stella’s hippie sister’s wedding is turning out to be a real possibility- considering the selfish way he used Stella as a shield, knowing full well his feelings for her are like sand clenched in a fist: impossible to hold on to. The thought makes Ted despise himself, a little more than usual.

Ted is exhausted, running in a vicious circle of getting swallowed in sorrow and frustration at every turn. He resolves to give up thinking about Barney and his little problem for one day. No worrying about hiding his true self from his best friends, having a gigantic crush on Barney or guilt over breaking up with Stella and lying to her all this time and especially, no berating self for setting up a _ ‘what is appearing to be an unattainable’ _ goal of meeting the _ ‘one’ _ and starting a family.

Today will be just about being Ted Mosby, architect and the youngest employee to be promoted as manager in his firm.

He tries to work from home at first but ends up getting distracted by Marshall’s loud singing and ghosts of Barney’s memories. He eventually elects on going to the office and gets ready, changing his shirt and packing his files.

Ted hails a taxi near their building and settles in the back seat, looking forward to a long and peaceful ride. It’s roughly two minutes since the taxi stopped at a red light when a loud screeching of car tyres draws his attention and Ted watches in mounting horror from his window, as a black car speeds through the opposite lane about to ram them.

Just few seconds away from the collision and Ted experiences an epiphany - the important moments in his life flashing in front of his eyes, right before the accident could take place.

Ted has maybe a millisecond to digest the revelation when he feels full force of the hit. The new comprehension weighing heavily on mind is his last conscious thought prior to being plunged into a world of darkness…

_Oh _

**~$@#!@!#@$~**


End file.
